Small victories

Like when you are at a movie theater and they guy behind you keeps saying "I can't see! I can't see"
you give him a warning, he doesn't shut up. You give him another, he still continues.

So you turn around a beat the crap out of him.




Later you find out he is blind.

Do you think it is insulting if you refer to a short person as "down to earth?" I do, and its funny.

I wrote this and showed my boss. He cleaned it up for me.

I fancy myself as a cartoonist.

I made up a new word. Absosmoothly. It is like absolutely only cooler. Well screw you. I thought it was cool.

I would like to thank my sister for this one.

20 dollar limit secret Santa gift:

Go eat 20 dollars worth of food and give the recipient the crap that it would produce.

Thank you for your entry, you need serious help but it was still funny on many levels.

Took a bit of a break everyone. Good to be back. How’s the thanksgiving? Let me guess, seen some relatives and ate turkey? No, I’m not psychic. So I saw a television show the other day about the problems with the mice population, the solution that they didn’t even look at is: why don’t we eat them? They breed faster then a drunken Irish on st. Patrick’s day. There has got to be a way to cook them up and eat them. So go do that. Me personally, I am going to stick to regular food, you sick twisted weirdo. Eating mice? What is wrong with you?

My sister is looking for a job, I told her to do anything to get her foot in the door, and after a month, they’ll let the rest of you in.

Today I told a coworker that at McDonalds, the drive through is now open 24 hours, but only the drive through.
He asked me, “What is the point of opening only the drive through? how can they make food if the kitchen is closed?”
I told them they only sell drinks.

The state I live in is run by 80 year olds and rednecks. Any time this loser state gets a chance to poke peoples nose into peoples personal lives the jump in their Trucks, or Lincolns and drive on down to the vote booths.
Keeping all that in mind, here is my grievance: last night my state became another “close minded” state to outlaw same sex marriages. “Why should I care?” You may ask yourself?
You’d be right; it’s none of our business. To bad people have to suffer to become political fodder and avoid real issues, if there are any.
I don’t vote, never have. Left work early a couple of times to vote, but just went home and watched TV. Yesterday I went and voted, first time. Just checked the one box and went home.
So I would like to apologize for my backward ass sticking our nose in other people’s business dumb-ass state. I am truly sorry.
Gays can die for our country but not get married? They have the right to be miserable just like everyone else.

Firstly I would like to apologize to my 1 reader. If you are reading this, then it’s you, if you are not reading, hmm that is a stumper I guess. How the heck do you even know that I’m writing this? I got it! If you AREN’T reading this then F you!
Now that I have offended everyone besides you, away we go…
I haven’t been to the movies in ages. I wonder if the seats are still sticky. It’s hard to go to the movies when you have a baby. My best memories are going to the movies with my dad. Seemed like a good idea at first, free movie, the guy likes popcorn. Good deal? No. Not at all. He slept, and when he sleeps he snores. It sounds like when the 3 stooges snored, only for real, and 10 times louder. Everyone around us moved or complained or whatever. He wasn’t getting up that is for sure, I nudged that guy like 10 times. One time the actors in the movie stopped and just looked at me. Did wonders for my self esteem at 14. Now that I’m older, if anyone makes any kind of noise when a movie is going on, I just start crying. Yep, nothing but good memories.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, that is why most people are surrounded by jerks.

At my job, which I love! Do I? not really. Anyway. This post is about priorities. My last boss was a paramedic on his spare time, and he never was able to put things into prospective. He would have people dieing in his arms one night and the next day totally freak out over a non standard mouse. I think it was because he was so separated from one job, that he had to be extra passionate with his other job.
He was a hoot, he would call me and tell me that someone was not working but that it was the users own fault. He would always be in a big tizzy. “let them sit for the day, then call them” is what he would tell me. I would say “nah, lets get them working” He would say “your right.” And then leave me alone.

Before I was the early person, the guy before me purposely made him mad so he would exploded on everyone as they walked into the door. Hey! What is going on with that printer? What is the deal with that computer that has been sitting at your desk for a month?
The printer is in the garbage, the computer is what I have been using to do my work.
Oh. Roar!.
Later I would find out that a drunk driver died in some accident the night before.
Gosh I miss that boss.. He is more then likely yelling at people in heaven right now, which is funny because as far as I know he is still alive somewhere.

I remember when I was in a band we were moving some equipment after a show. The drummer dropped his whole kit down a flight of stairs. This was possibly the best drum solo that he ever did. It reminds me of something I once read “Most people are like slinkys. They don’t do much of anything but are humorous if pushed down the stairs.”

Wow it is tuff to come up with material. Now I know how a construction worker feels. But maybe I don’t. I found this picture that inspires me when I’m down.



Words of wisdom. Notice Alone and Tears are bigger then the rest. I guess because nobody wants to see you cry. Tears a so salty sometimes, like potato chips, but not as messy.

I have a myspace account. Don’t get excited. It’s not that big of a deal. On my home page, the one I see, not the one you see. It has an advertisement that says “out fart the gorilla and win a free ring tone” now try to stay clear of humor like this because I want to be known for being smart and witty and hopefully annoying, but a free ring tone is a free ring tone. I couldn’t bring myself to click on it. I don’t even think I have a cell phone and if I did I don’t think I would want the grand prize from that website as a ring tone.

Vampires, the monsters with a billion rules

Man did they get the shaft.

I’ll admit that they do get some benefits like living forever and um, I guess that is it. But they have more rules then a sick kid with an overprotected hypochondriac mom. No sunlight, can’t eat food, no cross, no garlic, no holy water, can’t enter houses unless asked, can only eat blood, can turn into a bat (why?) no silver, no stake through the heart (this one goes for me too), no reflections, can’t cross a line of salt, can’t cross a line of roses, can’t cross running water. What the hell. Why would you be afraid of these guys?

When people take monsters like say the cookie monster is left to roam the earth. Since he is not bound by any rules, he can just come up to you and start stabbing you. What would it take to kill him? I guess you could just remove him from his host hand (he is a hand puppet) and that would do it. Well that isn’t scary either.


My wife must have been tired last night; she stayed up all night and told me that she was the opposite of a reverse vampire. What?

Sorry, about the late post. I was on the phone.

Here is my observation today

The voice from robin on the justice league cartoon back in the 70’s has the same voice as shaggy, and they both have the same voice as all the bad guys that were up against the justice league. That must have caused some confusion when trying to phone in threats.

Bad guy on phone: If you don’t give me 10 dollars* I’m gonna destroy a Eiffel tower.
Wonder woman: hang on one sec. Batman, phone.
Batman: who is it?
WW: its robin calling in again.
Batman: Huh? If he is calling in, who is getting the batmoble detailed?
WW: (back on the phone) can you pick up some dingdongs on your way in? (click)
Bad guy on phone: Hello? Hello?



*I would assume that 10 dollars is a lot back in the 70’s. it was to me but I was just a kid.

I love word origins. The root of the term "mad hatter" is drawn from a time when mercury was used in the process of curing felt used in some hats. Over time the residual mercury would cause neurological damage (not the only damage caused by mercury toxicity of course). Given that anyone exhibiting an altered mental state was dubbed mad at the time, the cause of such malady, and subsequent death of such people doubtless went unexplained for a long time. Nice hat jerk bag!

Getting screwed. It sounds fun doesn’t it? Not if you’re a piece of wood. This isn’t what I’m talking about today. I remember back when I had to go to the hospital. Hurt my hand. I went to the emergency room. With no insurance, it cost 400 bucks for some gauze. This is why the gowns they give you at the hospital are opened in the back. I’m surprised they don’t ram the bill up there. What the hell.

So I heard once that the relatives of Hitler changed there name and don’t want any association with the name. that is pretty normal for kids to be ashamed of their parents, right? Can you imagine that Hitler picking up his kids early from some party?
“Dad! What are you doing here?”
“Was die Hölle Sie ist, der auf einem Fest Sie basterd macht” he would scream, from his hitlermobile.

I go on smoke breaks. Not a lot just every now and then to talk to some of my friends that have moved out of my area. The way its set up at my work is they have a little shanty that people smoke in. it can get pretty smokey at times. I don’t smoke. It’s strange that I am I go out for those breaks and stand in a smokey shanty. But why should smokers get fresh air and not me. Anyway, I’m in the shanty struggling to breathe. Someone said something about a nicotine fit and having problems getting out to the shanty, so I said, “why don’t you blow smoke into a plastic bag, when you get a craving, just breath into the bag.” I kind of laughed; everyone else stopped smoking and actually thought about it. Wow, this is how bad ideas start!

I love joking around and when I'm not doing that, I'm stealing jokes. Here are some misquotes from Dilbert newsletter.
"That's water over the bridge."
"You're dead meat in the water."
"That stands out like a diamond in a goat's butt!"
"You shouldn't violate the law because that's illegal."
"They have us by the balls of our feet."
"Never pet a burning dog."
"It's hotter than a French hen."
"They should lock him up and throw away the book."
"They cooked themselves. Now they have to lay in it."
"Make sure you cross your p's and q's."
"Don't look a blind horse in the eye."
"I put my wrong foot in the wrong mouth at the wrong time!"
"Cows died to give us that cheese."
"Don't slap the hand that milks you."
"Call me back at your least convenience."
"It's six of one and one of the other."
"I can't do it in the spur of a hat."
"That's going to change the whole ball of works."
"They're not the brightest box of cookies."
"The pro's for are more than the pro's against"
"I wouldn't touch him as far as I could throw him."

Tae kwon do schools

I was hesitant to cover this topic. I certainly don’t want to feel someone’s fist of fury, but this is funny so I must tell. If this is my last post, then avenge me or even better, rent the first matrix. Man that is a good film.

Sorry, got a bit off base for a second. A couple of years back I decided to get back into martial arts and started checking out schools. If you don’t do TKD, there isn’t anything out there. No karate no kung fu. Just TKD, at least in this town. Here is what I found about SOME not all but some of the Tae Kwon Do schools.
It’s a pyramid scam. There are a few Black belts on the top and they make money from the many many white belts.

Guess the only way into the black belt club?

Hard work? Nope
Determination? Yes, but not the way your thinking
Shovel cash at the teacher? Yes.

Black belts are expensive. But I didn’t meet one black belt that I couldn’t go toe to toe with.

Here is my last teacher. He once told me the path to enlightenment was through meditation.



He also told me that he likes the teletubbies and me his parents made tons of money.

Ok, Stereotypes. I’m not talking about Sony or Magnavox. Those are Stereo Types.
Not like this:




I’m talking about 2 freaking guys. I hate them. Look at them, all mustachey. Hate. No, let me start over.

OK. Sorry about that. Here is today’s Gripe…If you’re an Italian or Italian American, or like me half Italian, you will be able to relate. There were 2 guys who really set us back. They brought awareness to why Italians like mushrooms, but for some reason they were afraid of turtles? Come on, Turtles? Something must be wrong here. They are so slow if one was chasing you, it would take months to catch you. And if they did what would happen? Nothing!
Well these guys would die if a turtle touched them. Unless they jumped on top of them? What? They must of have had a allergic reaction to stupidity.






Stop dancing you idiots! I hate you!

This one is for my Bro. He would rather hang out with his grubby friends on Saturday then me.


BROS BEFORE SHMOES!!!!

Where I work some users don't know the difference between a forward slash / and a backslash \. It is funny that some thing that would seem so important to a computer is quite meaning less to say an axe murderer. A slash is a slash to them. In fact a backslash is just as important when killing someone. Cause you hit them once and there gone start running, you better follow up with a back slash right away.

I doubt Dr. Phil ever said this, but it sounds like something he might say:
"Leaving a relationship is like burning down a barn. Get your stuff out before you do it, otherwise you're gonna have a hell of a time."

Ok, so my wife has been watching this Flavor of love show. Its about an aging man who wants to “bang hoes” and tell them that they might be the one that he is in love with. He proceeds to bang hoes, then discard them for more hoes.
I don’t know why they call it Flavor of love. The only flavor is skank so far. Some working titles should have been:
Whores, and the 1 guy who railed them
I am a mean woman and want to have some old guy for myself for some reason.
Skanktoberfest
Money can buy you anything, apparently
I don’t know what love is, so why not?
Mad about you (you being a ho)


Pretty sure the Christmas special will be something like
Ho ho ho, of love

Well, I was gone for a week in training. I thought I would have a bunch of great material for the blog on here but I gots nutin. sorry. Maybe something funny will happen on the way home tonight.

I like to call this post "brotherly love"

So i have 3 sons, 2 of them i only see every other weekend and all summer. They are at the age where they fight constantly. What does one do?
I think i came up with a solution. i tried it out today and it seemed to work. They were fighting and i had them stand outside for 5 minutes and hold hands in the front yard. They didn't fight the rest of the day.

I think I am going to write a song that only has one note, any note, played in any way. Then I will title it "Carnegie hall."
Then jump ahead a bit. If some kid who doesn't want to play an instrument and their parents force them to. They will say, keep practicing so one day you can play Carnegie hall, the kid can say, I already know that one. I just strum all the open strings, can I go now? I got kids to bully! This will usually be followed by a few beatings, first the parent to the kid, then the kid to some kid he is bullying.

Little bit about me, i don't really live in regret. However, i only was only attracted to one teacher in jr. high. and before i could make my move, she retired.

Ok, I'm thinking of a Pink Elton John with a butt on his head.











Yep, that was it.

I have an idea. Ask yourself this? What market hasn’t been tapped but the people have money? That’s right. Meth lab accessories! I’ll have aprons that say “bless this meth” and “kiss the crack”. T – shirts that say “my meth lab blew up and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” or “cops closed my meth lab!” with some picture of stewie or yogi bear or whatever. I was also thinking of expensive pipe cleaners that are already bent into the shape of the word loser.

My new annoying thing lately is going up to someone and asking something obious about them. Hey what are you doing, standing around? Hey what are you doing talking to some guy and being interrupted by me? Hey what are you doing, reading this blog? I’ve been doing it for a couple of weeks. My next move in this pointless progression is to start jumping to conclusions

Hey, what are you doing? Thinking about killing your wife?
Hey, what are you doing? Standing in peoples way waiting to get punched.

I have invented a potion that makes me invisible. Unfortunately it also gives everyone else the ability to see people who are invisible, apparently.

Ok back to the story of me and the wife.

I almost forgot the necklace. I had gotten this necklace (I still have it) from a museum. It was just a simple brown string with a Celtic symbol for tolerance on it. I was walking past her desk coming from the bathroom. (I started taking the long way to the bathroom just to walk past her.) and she commented on my necklace when I was walking past. I kept walking at first for about 2 seconds as it didn’t sync in right away. But I am sure she said something like “I like your necklace” so I stopped and backtracked and showed it to her. I had a small conversation about how it got it and that my nephew at time, who was 1 years old picked it out.
Hmmm, did it seem like she was interested in me? This is a difficult thing for me to tell because she said she liked my necklace and not myself. However, I did have that necklace on since then and nobody has commented on it, ever. That added to her being with me right now may mean she didn’t like the necklace and just wanted to talk to me. I guess we’ll never know.

when is the next holiday? does anyone know. when i say holiday i only reckinize real ones where i would get off work, and not fake ones like elvis's birthday or easter.

Ok back to the story of me and the wife.

The next week I decided to play the cool card. Unfortunately I didn’t have that card, so I decided to be myself (huge mistake if you knew me, you would know why). My desk was near a copy machine and she was making some copies. I was sitting at my desk pretending to work and she was just kind of hanging out. Well after about 10 minutes of me pretending to do something, I looked up at her and said “you know, this thing copies on its own” and she walked away. I showed her. Nobody stands in front of my desk! Wow was I dumb back then. So a day goes by and I ran into her in the hall with some homely jerk, and I said, “if you’re here, who is watching the copy machine?” and then ran off like a damn psycho. Luckily, she found it amusing.

I heard a funny pitch for a guy training today. He said he was going to come in, train everyone for 2 days and then leave, and nobodies the wiser. Why did he add that last part?

Ok this is an abridged version of how I met my wife.

I was working a job I didn’t like. The days were long and the women there were haggard (that is the kindest word I could come up with). My company was notorious for hiring temps. They were like klenex at that place. We would just rip right through them. All of the temps, were of course, haggard.
Ok, let’s shoot forward a couple of years. This chick starts at work, who was hot. The kind of hot you can bake an oven with a turkey in it and they both come out just right. When someone is paying attention to you more then normal you can feel it. After talking to her just a few times and her not filling my eyes with mace, I told my friend she seemed interested. I found out that on a Friday she was going to a “work night out” I never once went to those things. The reason was that I spent enough time with those jerks, but I found out she was going. So I went.
That was a nightmare for me
She mentioned to everyone that she didn’t have any money and was waiting on her friend. Once her friend got there she was going to leave. So was I, but I was the only person who knew that. She mentioned no money? Well what the heck I offered to buy her a drink.
Think she said no? Well saying no wouldn’t of been as bad as what happened. I sometimes play out the whole thing in slow motion in my head. It was a nightmare, yelled NO and stabbed me in the hand with a fork. Well maybe she just said no, but what the hell? I just thought she was thirsty. So after she made me look stupid in front of my coworkers, a small group of us just hung out and talked. I thought things were going well, and then her friend showed up. Ok, so I was like I guess I’ll leave before her so she would never be aware that I liked her and could retain what little coolness I have mustered through the years. So I did the preemptive strike and left what I thought was minutes before she did. She didn’t leave. She stayed the whole night.
To be continued at a later date, obviously

My last job I use to come in late everyday. I would love to watch the faces of the people as I would waltz in at 8:15. I could here them whisper and get these great glares from them; I would just smile and wave.
I once went in on time and I left my shoes untied, then spent the first 15 minutes tying them. I looked at one of my coworkers and said, “That must be it!”
It use to drive people crazy, but I didn’t do it because of that. Or because of the looks on peoples faces when I waltzed in.(although it was priceless let me tell you). I did it because I could. Absolute power corrupts absolute. Nobody ever questioned why or told me to start coming in on time. I would go year after year with reviews where they didn’t even mention it. Why didn’t anyone care that I violated such an extreme rule. Look back at school. Tardiness was punished in such an extreme way. Late for school? Get a detention. Late for a class? Get a detention. Get out of school and you’re late for work, nothing. Do it again, nothing. I eventually left that job because “I wasn’t challenged.” I outgrew my own tardiness.

I was once asked if I didn’t believe in god how did I know what was right from wrong? I told him it wasn’t god that made him know right from wrong, it was his belief in god. He said no. I asked him if he had ever actually seen god? He said no. So it was his belief in god that made him act that way, it had to of been. If he never seen it he would have to have faith, and that faith was keeping him in line, not god.
He then asked me if I had to see everything to believe it. I said, no. I believe in never seen a religious nut that wasn’t pushy, but I would like to think they are out there.

I don't have anything to say, but that hasn't stopped me before: A meat pie is good and a meat cake is disgusting? I wonder why.

Man I was drawing a blank today but after an interesting conversation with some jerks, I got this:

If a hotel mattress suddenly sprang to life, what would he have to say?
How about, dear lord please stop putting 2 year olds on me? I am sick of smelling like urine.
For the love of Spiderman, flip me, I’m getting bed sores!!!
My job is like Joan Collins, just having fat guys lie on me. (I have no clue on what that means)
Why can’t you remove my label?
What is the deal with airline food?
Popeye’s is better then KFC. (This is just common knowledge)

Meetings, i hate them. Meetings are that one thing that helps prevent me from doing my job. I use to pretend to get pages, cell calls, anything to get out of meetings. It was pretty slick. I would be sitting there and just stand up, look at my phone and walk out. Nobody ever questioned me.
How did King Arthur get out of stuff like that? I’ll be he kept a passenger pigeon in his pocket. At the right time he would pull it out, look at it, and walk away. Simpler times.

I work in an office environment. Don’t judge me for that, I don’t know or care where you work and already I don’t like you. Where was i? oh yes, my catch fraise. I would get invited to meetings, usually unnecessarily. My old catch fraise use to be “is there food in this or am I just not going.” I have decided to revamp this to a new one. Which I will post later. So if you see some phrase in quotes for no reason as a post, its me testing my new catch phrase.

Do you think that the term ho down means the same as in Texas as it does in New York?

The Descent is decent. A friend of my who happens to be a doctor (of goreolgy) lent me this film. Pretty dang good. I see that there is a US theatrical release date of August 4, 2006. I’m not much of a movie buff, but this one would be scary enough to see in theaters (which I won’t go). Its about a bunch of thrill seekers who get stuck in a cave and later on run into some troubles. It’s a great film for both people who like being stuck in caves and people who don’t care for being stuck in caves but like swearing. I’ll give it 11 thumbs up. That is 5 and a half fonzie’s. There is one scene where one person finds a dead dear or something. Looking at the credits, the part was played by Anthony Clark, from the show “yes dear.” (I would like to formally apologize for that last joke; I hate the show “yes, dear” and don’t have any affiliation with them). Anyway I liked the movie somewhat and it gives me new found respect for people who like ropes.

I think that I’m tired today. I parked my car at the lot at work. Got out and starting walking into work. I noticed that I left my wallet in my car so I went back. My car was sticking out about 3 feet. So I fixed that, started walking into work again, sure enough I forgot my wallet, again.

The answer is me, then yes then no

first question
Who has 2 thumbs and loves car batteries?

second question
If you were me and I was you, would you invest anytime in swapping lives?

Finally
You didn't think I was really psychic did you?

Apparently i started writing this 6 years ago. it's total rubish.


He thought he looked good, at least as good as he ever did as a bead of sweat started running down his forehead. Thoughts of him walking into the interview, being the answer to there dreams pleased him but he knew that he was grossly under qualified. The two other potential candidates were sitting across from him, engaging in what he would call “I don’t know you. But I’ll be nice to you because life tells me to be nice to you. And even though you might steal a job from me, I’ll pretend to like you.”
‘Pathetic,’ John thought ‘As if it wasn’t bad enough that I had to sit in with these two as they swapped horror stories about how bad it is out in the job market, my stomach keeps rumbling and I also have to use the bathroom like nobody business. My hands are almost waterlogged from sweat. Great. That will make a good impression. He’ll come up to me and say please to meet you and then get a handful of my own fluids.”
‘Honesty. That is what this world needs. I’m gonna march right in there and tell him that I am under qualified and will come in late after 3 weeks of just barley making it in time. That I was the first one downsized at my last company and this one won’t be much different.’ He laughed at himself for a second. Although he was cracking up on the inside the outside, still sweating, showed only a smiled, his thoughts wandered to the policy of interoffice dating.
The secretary called in one of the other gentlemen. He used that time to go down the hall to use the bathroom. His cheap shoes made a clacking noise on every other step. So he made a clack and a pat. Clack pat clack pat clack… you get the idea.
The bathroom seemed a bit further down then he remembered it, things always do when you are nervous and your bladders yelling at you.

Ok, a post. errr, so what is in the news today.

Ok, one thing I realized since I started blogging is that nobody really cares if its real blood and fake blood pouring out of a cadaver, as long as it is coming out in droves. Well that was disgusting.

Let me start over. How about this, my car battery died today, no funeral arrangements have been made. I went to a battery store (WHAT?) and bought a battery. My father came with me, (we hang every other Friday). I feel that I was robbed by this purchase. That battery was way to expensive, and as you may or may not know, am on a limited budget. Nobody's fault buy my own spending habits. (coke is an expensive drug and if you don't know that you inhale instead of exhale, you can get into debt pretty dang quick) So I was doing about a kilo a day.
What was a talking about? Batteries. And me buying one. Well that was it actually. The story kind of spiked when I mentioned coke but fizzed out when I went over where it spiked and where it fizzled. Basically that last sentence.
Ok so lets wrap that up.

Me saying I went into a battery store makes a small part inside me die a little. Coke is expensive and needs some kind of manual. And I don't know how much a kilo is.

I want a tassel. Let me reiterate. I want a tassel.

Back when I graduated High School. (what is so funny?) I kind of skipped the whole, wear a dress and get a scroll end of high school thing. It reminds me of a very ghey version of harry potter or something, if that is possible. So I didn’t get a tassel, and not having that tassel prevented me from hanging one in my car (usually seen on camaros) and missed out on the lecture “dude, its been 15 years, loose the tassel.” Good times.

I am gonna try to make a post every single day, except the weekends. That is my time to shine(do absolutely nothing) I almost missed my post today so I’m coming in at the late hour to get it in on time.

I have been looking at RV’s lately. I am fascinated with the “home away from home” concept. In some rvs are fancier and much better then a mansion. But this is why I won’t get one, I hate the outdoors just a little bit more then the indoors. Yeah, pretty week. I am also pretty territorial. I don’t think I would go camping and if I did I would want to see my house to keep an eye on it. I don’t think I like leaving my house for a week and only taking some of the stuff. What is wrong with the stuff I leave behind? I don’t want to hurt any things feelings. I don’t like the way campfires make you smell, and did you ever notice that the grunge look was similar to the a week of camping look(dirty, unwashed and flannel).

A funny qote from http://www.michaeljnelson.com/
about the iron chef
This is the premise of the show as I understand it: An eccentric millionaire named Kaga, who reminds one strongly of the devil, only gayer, has captured a small gaggle of Japan's greatest chefs and is holding them in his castle. Dressed like a cheap showgirl, Kaga referees cooking battles between his chefs and other great chefs of the world--though when I say "the world," I mostly mean Japan.

The 4th of July is perhaps the most stupid idea for a holiday. does anyone really know what we are celebrating? Don't get me wrong I really like your country. you humans (minus brains) are all right in my book. I just find it hard to believe that we are still entertained by flashes of light in the sky that aren't aliens (think land of the dead and you'll really feel silly)? Fireworks are dangerous. Anything that you lite and then explodes or just gets real hot shouldn't be given to children to run around and really hurt themselves. Do you think Francis Scott Key was writing about sparklers? Why not celebrate the holiday but doing a mock signing of the declaration of independence, where you are all wearing white wigs and blouses.
for the pete of sake, be careful.

http://www.toylet.net

That is a stupid name for a toy store, it makes it seem like its a toilet store.

Fallout: A Post-Nuclear Role-Playing Game
Great game, but so much more (not a lot, maybe i should of said so a little more)

Voice actors in the game are quite note worthy. Here is the short list

Richard Dean Anderson (i knew a guy name jimmy dean, he makes sausage i think, this guy was in stargate and Mcgyver)
Clancy Brown Who played the Kurgan in Highlander (WOW) and is also know for the voice of Mr. Krabs (that sounds gross)
Richard Moll (think bull in night court OR you could go with the bad guy in "House")
Tony Shalhoub (Scarpatchy? also in a show i'm currently thinking of watching "monk")

Other people in the game are mostly Pro voice actors.

Something to think about next time your out collecting bottle caps.

Big surpise, i hate gymkata. I just got off the phone with a local gymnastics center they don't know what Gymkata is so i hung up on them.




notice that he is kicking not one but two ninja. Ha, the total Ninja content of this movie is zero. Did he kick these guys off screen somewhere? i guess we'll never know. I would also like to add that he looks like a douchebag in this picture. i just noticed that the ninja was holding a machine gun. he must be new or something.
Here is from another website on this matter
Most of the movie occurs in the Middle East. So who represents all the Middle Easterns? Americans in turbans, of course!
Part of the obstacle course goes through the town of crazies. It's full of nasty-looking cannibals. I have to give the filmmakers credit, they found some of the ugliest women I have ever seen. But I have no idea why there's a 5-minute slow motion walking scene during this segment.
The best part about the town of crazies is that THERE'S A STONE POMMEL HORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN!!!! What in the world?? How convenient. Of course Thomas does a routine on the horse, kicking bad guys in the process. This is absolutely the worst case of bad guys attacking a good guy one at a time that I've ever seen in a movie. EVER! There's no strategy to his routine. He doesn't even look at the bad guys! He just does his routine and every single moron runs into his kicks. Why? I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. I could write separate articles on how bad the acting and dialogue are, but you might fall asleep. This is just the perfect example of a "so bad it's good" movie. I just wish they had hammed it up even more. For example, I can't believe Kurt wasn't forced to say something like, "Parmistan? What's your main export, cheese?" Sadly, that line is actually too intelligent for the script.

I emailed kurtthomas@gymkata.com this message
Hey, WTF were you thinking?
Sincerely XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX

And immediately got the response:
This is an automated response

Dear XXXXXXXX
Thank you for emailing me about Gymkata. You are no doubt angry about almost seeing my balls and for the many many plot holes in my movie, GYMKATA. Why would ninjas live in the Ukraine and need Machineguns? And if you ask me, a crazy town is one without a pummelhorse. Anywho, I should get back to my duties as a fry cook. Thanks again for almost seeing my junk
Kurt

Writers block today. Sorry.

These are not mine, nor do I think they are funny

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. Is there another word for synonym?
8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
9. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
10. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
13. One nice thing about egotists:They don't talk about other people.
14. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
15. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
16. How is it possible to have a civil war?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?18. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

Let’s play a quick game of mad libs.
Ok, I need a
Verb (with an ed at the end)
Noun
Noun
Adjective
Noun
Noun
Verb
And finally a noun


Ok here is the story

So one day Farmer John ______ up on a _______. He rode the ______ to town and parked it on a ______ street. The townspeople all came up to him and said “hey ______, how are you and your wife’s _______ lessons going? I hope that one day you can go ________ yourself. Take your _______ and have a good ride.


So one day Farmer John jumped up on a horse. He rode the horse to town and parked it on a quite street. The townspeople all came up to him and said “hey John, how are you and your wife’s horse riding lessons going? I hope that one day you can go enjoy yourself. Take your horse and have a good ride.

Why is yours so much dirtier then mine?

You ever have a good feeling about something, something your so sure of that you just know it is going to happen. Then you start to make plans around it and it turns out it doesn’t happen. Well, that happened to me. I was so sure I was going to win the lottery last night that I took out a huge loan and spent it on pixie stix. Boy was my face red when it didn’t happen.

Some random thoughts

The Cola war

What ever happened to that? How many casualties were their? Why does coke taste so damn bad?

Is it a good idea to teach kids how to fish? How is that gonna help them if they are starving in the wilderness. Oh wait, never mind. They can eat them right?

If you pay to eat at an all you can eat place, should you be able to come back later for free? Yeah, your noodle is going to be sore after scratching your head on that one.

If we took the land from Indians, who did they take it from?

Why does fruit look so weird? Do you think fruit bats make good pets if you work at an orchard? What kind of trees does particle board come from? Can you use a dryer to make like a really big ham? Who invented cheese and why, what were those guys smoking?

Why do I think like this?

The age old question, what smells worse, the chicken or the egg, has come to a new light. 2 farmers in west Dakota have been rumored to tackle this issue with what can only be described as a vein attempt at being way off base. One farmer, we’ll call him Jimmy X (although his real name is James X) after drinking for much longer then normal has determined that a rollercoaster’s have an adverse effect on his lunch, a chicken sandwich. Where another farmer, who elected to be anonymous, was quoted in saying, “My brother, Jimmy X once told me, ‘Frank, you should really stop living at 1323 west flight road, in West Dakota.’ But I never moved from that spot.” Further investigation has determined that we should stop talking to these 2 people.

But this brings up 2 main questions, one why would I type this, and why would you read this.