I like the internet. it is full of inspirational words. like these actual comments to someone who posted a recipe on line

YUCK!
gross
no way i would eat this or anyone in my family
that sounds gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That spunds so nasty. This will not be something that I will be trying to make. Yuck!
Not my thing.
disgusting!!
You all should just try it first before saying yuck or gross.
It doesn't look like anyone would eat that!! Gross!!
Wow.Woooow.ewwww.
YUCK!!!!!
sickooooo
SICK! ****BARFING****

so judgmental. this also reminds me of what my date was saying about me back at my first prom. memories make you think, don't they?

Hey, did you try calling me?

I love the expression “I tried calling you this weekend”

What the hell does that mean? Were you stuck under a pillar and couldn’t reach the phone? Did you dial 6 numbers and then hang up?

I think the correct term is “I was going to call you but…” and some sort of reason why you didn’t. I tried calling you this weekend kind of sounds like you are incapable of making a phone call. Anyway, Happy Monday.

Someone asked me, "I slept on my neck last night and now it hurts, what should i do."

Beats me. maybe start sleeping on a bed instead of your neck?

Who wants to be a spiderman season 2 on tonight. if your like me (2 arms and 2 legs) then you should enjoy things that involve fun. some programs i enjoy watching are TV, Movie, the dryer, and Radio. not to get off the point, who wants to be a superhero is on tonight, i know it's kind of corny, but that show just makes me laugh.

I submitted some poetry in a contest. In return i got love and a restraining order.

POISON, BLEEDING HEARTS IN MY BRAIN.
MY HEART ATTACK IS THE CLICHÉ’ OF A BROKEN HEART.
ERRECTIONS ARE MEANING FULLLESS OR ARE THEY?
I WOULD NOT HAVE AN ANSWER IN WHAT MY BRAIN CALLS A MIND IN MY HEAD.
WHAT TIME DOES THE HEART STOP ACHEING?
SOON I WOULD GUESS AND WOULD BE WRONG OR ARE I?
The stain in my mousse houses as I burn and yearn with fire and desire my opinions are like a bad rap with a bad wrap and my digression digresses in digress, I mean dig dress.
Where for art thou? Why should I care, cause I don’t, won’t and shoun’t (pronounced shoun’t)
If every pain in my body feels like hurting then when can the pain in my non body non hurt?
Yeah, you heard me, I said fuck you.

My friend asked me what I want to happen in the near future. I told him that I wanted to eat the world’s largest sandwich and die of a heart attack.

i found a way to get attention at a radio shack. Usually there is a long line and only 1 person helping everyone, and that one person is the only person not in a hurry. So here is what you do to get to the front of the line: Touch everything. i mean put your hand on glass, take stuff off the shelf look at it and set it on another shelf, shake packages and cough loudly. That is what this 4 year old did and his mom got severed right away.

Remember Rockwell? The guy who sung Somebody's Watching Me? Since his 1 hit in 1984, and people not watching him, do you think he still thinks that?

Real never before seen headlines:

Suicide pill linked to death
The Murderer did it
Lunar landing solves parking for spaceship on moon
Local basketball team wins or loses big game
What happened to apple carts?
Local man is happy
Mayor runs for Mayor
Mayor runs from Mayor
Mayor has the runs

They say that if you study history you won’t repeat the mistakes that people had in the past. If that was true, why do you think they keep making people? They are like the biggest fuck ups anyone has ever seen.

Wow, that was a bit dark. Let me end on a light note, you ever notice that you only change light bulbs when they burn out? Yeah? Me too.

Something I wrote and in () what I was thinking when I wrote it.
People love looking at other people with no clothes on. (Hmmm, where do I put the common in that to make it sound right? Never mind I’ll figure it out later.) So when will evolution take it to the next step? When will we start enjoying people without any skin on? (edit: Seems like a crossed a line a bit with that last post. What the heck is wrong with me?)

So I ask you people now? (well person really, if that many actually read this) throw away your skin! (yeah, skinless people, boy I’m on my way to yet another stupid post. They will spend all day holding their guts in. I have to end this on a good joke, because it’s going nowhere.)
Joey Buttafuoco! (Perfect!)

The Greatest thing since sliced bread...

That is a bit dated isn't it?

We sliced bread a long time ago lets move on.

Tips on selling blood

Don’t make the same mistake I made and show up with a bag of blood from multiple donors. They will not give you any money. And you don’t get the bag back. So if you do use a bag you are prepared to loose forever. The police will get envolved as well.
If half of the people who worked at the blood bank’s name start with the word "Count", do not let them near you. They, however, will take that bag I mentioned earlier no questions asked.
Also I think it is a good idea not to get an atm card from a blood bank. They didn’t offer it, but if they did I would say no.