I am a bleeding seal amungst sharks. - famous quote from the talking seal who cut himself and then fell in a shark tank.

A History of living in the past
Couple of thoughts on this

Do you think that the guy who said “stop living in the past” failed history?

You never tell a guy to stop living in the past who did some good. And example
“Hey I saved a baby in a fire”
“Stop living in the past.”
If history has taught us anything it is that , you would sound like a jerk.

And finally;

Someone once told me to stop living in the past. I told him I used to, in fact, we all did.

I updated my blog. I used David in my logo because:

1. He is dead, so no suing.
2. He knows the Thinker, who is the worlds enemy. world hates thinking, think about it. no? see what I mean?

I didn't want to use the Thinker directly, but just give you something to think about.

I was once told that you haven't lived until you ate at Applebees. Well know i know how a robot feels, because i haven't lived.

I'm almost finished with a screenplay. it is a modern day Salem witch trial, with judge judy as the judge, and possibly the witch.

I was feeling nostalgic today, usually that means I’m at a sewing machine fixing me up some parachute pants, but I decided to go back further, as far as I could go and still be nostalgic. So I ended up crapping my pants and crying for 2 hours until I was giving a bottle.

Question:
Does HR have to get invovled everytime I sit in the mens room at work and scream at people when they walk in "Who are you? Who sent you?" or "do you have a package for me?"
Answer:
Yes.

The 4th of July is perhaps the most stupid idea for a holiday. does anyone really know what we are celebrating? Don't get me wrong I really like your country. you humans (minus brains) are all right in my book. I just find it hard to believe that we are still entertained by flashes of light in the sky that aren't aliens (think land of the dead and you'll really feel silly)? Fireworks are dangerous. Anything that you lite and then explodes or just gets real hot shouldn't be given to children to run around and really hurt themselves. Do you think Francis Scott Key was writing about sparklers? Why not celebrate the holiday but doing a mock signing of the declaration of independence, where you are all wearing white wigs and blouses.
for the pete of sake, be careful.

Today Someone referred our intern as a "reverse Doogie Howser"


Ok, it was me.

How to look like you know what your doing

1 uncross your eyes.
2 do not announce that you don’t know what you are doing
3 if at any point you pulled your pants down, pull them back up, blame a leprechaun and continue
4 site a reputable source, like a doctor. Do not use anyone that is not reputable , like a politician
5 do not read this paper out loud during your speech.
6 at the end of the speech, don’t say “or whatever.”
7 use fancy words like “no idea” and “whatyacallit”

Everyone does something wrong. I feel it is good to anonymously point that out. next time your loading paper into the printer, be sure to write "I know what you did" or "I'm on to you" on one of the papers. however. if you have the printer at your desk and you have short term memory loss, don't do this prank as it may backfire.

Vintage classic post, and that doesn't mean i'm running out of stupid ideas:

Why the game Monopoly is bull and I hate you.

Ok I hate monopoly. No big deal you think, this guy hates everything. Sometimes I even hate air.
Everyone is like, “hey what’s up with him?”
“Oh didn’t you know? He breathed and it set him off.”

But I digress. Here is my problem with monopoly:
At the most, I played it with 4 people, you can do more, but I never did. The first part of the game is great, you run around buying stuff. But eventually you can’t buy anything anymore. So you build houses and hotels, if you can. So now you have people running around owning houses and hotels, but staying at other people’s houses or hotels.

Let me tell you something, if you own a house or a hotel, you’re not going to spend the night in another one right down the road, especially when its 1500 dollars a night and your hurting for money. Your gonna spend the night in your house or hotel for free.

And what kind of city only has 4 people in it? No wonder it cost 2000 for a night to stay

Inspirational quote of the day:
if you think you can, you're not thinking it through.
or
if you think you can, i think you're wrong
or
it’s better to loved and lost then to be shot and raped.

Yesterday at a grocery store I saw a guy who was with my brother when he got punched in 2nd grade for wearing a tin foil nose. I was at a loss of words…what could I say?