Names that sound like Halloween porn’s

Intercourse with a vampire
Night of the living dead whores
Frankenstein vs. Dracula (in a hot dog eating contest)
The creature from the black lagoon gets herpies
Friday the 69th
Nightgown on elm street
Fright Night the John holmes story

Bad Fortune cookies

You will find love, and she will be already married

You will have a good luck with your prostrate surgery.

The mob you owe money to will only beat you until you can’t move, not kill you.

You will find a nice hat that looks great on you, but it will be filled with dog crap.

You won’t notice until you put it on.

Your child will be born sideways, and will take 6 days to come out.

You are in for a surprise meeting, with something that you are allergic to.

You will receive a thank you fruit basket contain 10 limes and a raisin (that started off as a grape)

Your significant other will let you know how insignificant you are, by giving you crabs.

My dog was a jerk.
I say “was” because she passed on. Even though there is a movie called “all dogs go to heaven,” my preacher from my old church assured me that there is no animals in heaven. Not even seeing eye dogs. Well at least heaven shouldn’t stink when it rains..

I got off the subject before I even started.

Dogs aren’t fickle eaters by nature. They are known to lick there own butts. So should I be insulted that my dog wouldn’t eat anything I ever cooked? Yes. Yes I should.

After living life for a while, I realize that the game of life isn’t very accurate.

Firstly there is no way you can have so many kids that they don’t even fit in your car and still have a chance of becoming a millionaire.

And if you don’t go to college you automatically get a job? Why are there so many hobos then?

The kid pegs are the same size as the parent pegs.
And you buy a house and never even go to it. I’d like to meet somebody who spends there life driving around in a car. Man they must stink.

Other then that it is a fun game that is dead on!


Just a final note on life, nothing easy is worth doing right, that is why I have failed where so many people have succeeded.

I saw some charity collection bin at my work today. Good for them. I once stole a pair of shoes right off a hobo in the middle or winter. Man they smelled so bad it could barely stand it, but I wore them all day. Why? Let me tell you something, there is nothing better then taking from people who really need it. Really puts things into prospective for that person.

(this has to be the cruelest post ever, if not let me end with this)

That hobo was pregnant.

When your describing a movie to your friends, and they ask you any questions on it just say…”Hey, this isn’t your grandma’s porno.” That should shut them up.

The way I see it:

2 major uses for big metal oil drums.

If you’re like me, and I know at least 1 person is, me. I’m exactly like me. where was i? If you’re like me, you miss mystery science theater 3000. well here is the good news, they are back in 2 different flavors. They do a thing called rifftrax, as seen on
www.rifftrax.com where you can buy their commentary to movies on mp3 or they also do a show called the film crew which seems to be exactly like MST3K without the puppets.

Hurray

Also I would like to shout out to my main man zune for announcing their new line of zunes this week, you can catch them at www.zune.net among other places