Yesterday something happened that I really shouldn’t mention. In fact I should stop writing this, but I won’t. you in turn should just stop reading this.


Ok, so your going to keep going? Whatever, you have been warned.

I helped a coworker yesterday. He and I were both drinking pepsi. In the middle of me working with him he took a drink of my pepsi. No big deal, although he made a big deal about it.

OK, later I went up to him to kind of give him a hard time (we are kind of friends). And he was making a big deal about the pepsi thing. I told him that when I got done with my soda I was a little bit thirsty. Like 1 drink away from not being thirsty. I was, of course, kidding. So he said I can buy me a new one and then I said:

(Here is the part you shouldn’t read. I can’t believe I said it)

Don’t worry, I plan on throwing it all up, adding a little water to it and trying again.

I can’t believe myself sometimes, but that shut him up.

As a person who knows some computer jargon, I realized today that it would sound silly to outside ears. Here are some things I have over heard in my day, and my snappy answer to them if taken out of context.

Go on your computer – a euphemism for using the restroom
Does your mouse have a third button – nope just one, and his button is leaving the seat up after going on your computer
Spell check - C H E C K
My computer just crashed – must have been tired
Reboot – I just debooted, I’m not putting my boots back on.
Blue tooth – no I brush my teeth
Did you send me that email? No the computer sent you the email, I might of typed it
I’ll just blow the data out of my port – that is hot!
Press any key to continue – so many choices, I think I’ll pick the f, u, c, k, o, f, f, buttons
Are you on the net? – nope, just sitting in a chair.
Double click on an icon – my icon is Spiderman
Is Spiderman on the web? - Hello? He is Spiderman of course he is.
Do you know your password? - yes it is ******** or at least that is what it looks like when I type it.
Do you Yahoo? Google? Excite? – are you retarded?
Do you use Outlook? - no but I can predict your outlook, it's pain.
Drop a file into the trash – yet another euphemism for using the restroom

You can see I’m running out of ideas, so I’m just going to end this.

Has anyone ever seen an old cartoon with tom and jerry, I think. It is where they are farmers and there is this crow that keeps eating their corn. They try to stop him, fail and then the crow sits somewhere, eats corn and mocks them. That crow has my dream job. Sitting up high, eating corn and mocking animals. Do I need a degree for that?

I am a visual person. I need to see things or I may run into them.

The title of this little ditty is “WHORE SOLVED!!!!”

I run reports where I work on Mondays. I created and ran a new one today and emailed it to the respected user. I get an email back saying that I should take a look at the report, it is a bit insulting. I looked, sure enough under the first name (a female) it said Whoresolved. The name was pulled from a database. It may or may not have been known when they named it that but it sure is funny. I explained it to her and she had a good laugh, thank goodness.


The field name means Who Resolved.

When a company hires a manager that tires to make things more efficient and talks constantly about efficiency and how efficient he is, but then turns out he lives an hour and 15 mins away from work, would you start to question him? Spending 12 and a half hours driving back and forth a week makes them loose credibility on efficiency, wouldn't you think? The people at my job do.

as most people know i own a zune. i have to tell you it rocks. i really like it. i have had mp3 players for a long time but nothing like this. Zunes are a bit pricey, if it wasn't for my tax returns I wouldn't own one. but i found this cool zune theme for windows xp i thought i would share with you, the only person who reads this...

http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkID=75078

I think its pretty cool looking

Today I had an intersting conversation. A friend of mine from work and I went out for some air. Smokers get “smoke breaks” and we get air. Seems like a good deal, anyway he said he went to a retreat to talk to kids in his friends church about pre-marital sex. If it was me, this is what I would have told them:
They would be crazy not too. It feels pretty good. In fact I would make them pair off right now and just go ahead with it. No point sitting around listening to me talk about it, it think it would be best to just go and enjoy themselves. I don’t like lying to teenagers.

My friend did laugh at this, but I am pretty sure if I was there and said that, they would not ask me back

Here is my second fan interview for my 1 year anniversary.

Firstly thank you for visiting HMB. Can you tell us about yourself (mainly credit card info or your own website(s) and interests)?

I am the DRofGOREOLOGY. I watch Horror films, Collect Horror Films, and attend Horror Conventions in the Chicago area. Like Flashback Weekend coming up in July....BIG Nightmare on Elm Street Reunion going on there.

What would you say is your favorite post over the year?

I like all of them. It makes me wonder what kind of metal device you have to wear on your head to pick up all them strange "thought waves".

Wow that was a good one. What would you say the HMB pushes the limit too far or not far enough?

Not far enough...I'm sure you could reach that unreachable plateau of strangeness if you try hard enough.

Some critics say I’m not tuff on crime, what other things are tuff?

Blood stains, grease stains, and mildew buildup. But that's why OxyClean was made....at least for the blood and grease stains. I haven't tried it on Mildew yet.

Were you there for the fall of the Great Wall (that is the Chinese restaurant in town where a lady fell down)?

If I was we wouldn't be having this interview as I would have been squashed by the big chunks of concrete.

I once saw a movie where a guy said he ate lighting and went to the bathroom thunder. How many calories is that?

Good question. I would have to say ask Richard Simmons.

That you for your time doc, keep on reading and I’ll keep annoying.

On the subject of magic:

I looked up magic tricks on the web (the worst possible place to look for anything besides trouble) Here are some instructions for a trick:
Borrow a quarter from someone, bite a piece off and hold it on your tongue.... then blow it back onto the quarter and the quarter is whole again. You can hand it out for examination.

Borrow a quarter? yes, magicians are usually broke.
bite a piece off and hold it on your tongue? eating disorders?
then blow it? what the hell?

that is what Harry Potter has to look forward to if he ever graduates from creepy school. a prostitute hobo that has an eating disorder.

(I really looked for a picture of a hairy guy holding some pottery. That would have been a funny ending to this one. So I ask you to look at someone that is abnormally hairy today and think of this post)

I call this post, "Vague somethings", but it could be called "I know what you did last summer and you may go blind if you do it next summer"
Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if I wasn't doing what I am doing now. I suppose I would be doing something else. But what if I didn't? What if instead of doing something else or doing what I am doing now I would be doing something different then the last 2 things I listed. So let’s take a look at the list:

What I’m doing now
Something else
Something besides these 2 things

There may be other things that I haven't listed. I just couldn't think of anything.

Secondly, what is the difference between hungry and starving? I’ll bet starving people will eat hungry people in a pinch, but maybe not the other way around.

My blog started out with a single dream; build a self rising cake that was both low in fat but also high in poison. After the Canadian Counsel for Eating (the CCforE) banned my simple recipe of arsenic and cup cakes, I revamped it into a blog about the annoyances of life. With the anniversary of humansminusbrains.blogspot.com coming up, I thought I would do some quick interviews with some of the original audience.

Firstly thank you for visiting HMB. Can you tell us about yourself (mainly credit card info or your own website(s) and interests)?

Same as your info... and who the hell is the "us" guy?


What would you say is your favorite post over the year?

All the ones you plagarized from me.

Wow that was a good one. What would you say the HMB pushes the limit too far or not far enough?

Not far enough, your examples should be like Southpark and Drawn Together. Push the envelope, society needs it

Some critics say I’m not tuff on crime, what other things are tuff?

Ummm, your the most judgmental person I know... how tough do you need to get lol.

Were you there for the fall of the Great Wall (that is the Chinese restaurant in town where a lady fell down)?

Yes, she blamed the seafood.

I once saw a movie where a guy said he ate lighting and went to the bathroom thunder. How many calories is that?

5

That you for your time, keep on reading and I’ll keep annoying.