So how has everyone been. I had been thinking about advertising lately. yes, how do i annoy more people? how much would it cost to rent a plane and do some skywriting?

anyway:

Did you know that the website http://www.bjoutdoors.com/ more then likely disappoints hundreds of web surfers a day.

my niece said something pretty funny today. My dad was telling me that my sister was writing an essay for school. i asked what was the essay going to be on. she said, "paper, essays are done on paper."

I’m going on vacation for a week so I’m not sure if I’ll post anything. Or will I? yeah, with a cliffhanger like that why wouldn’t you check back?

Summer is coming, and if you’re a beach go’er, that means only 1 thing: A sea of back hair.

What is with movies about animals playing sports? It’s always a monkey or a donkey, but never a turkey. A good one would be a water ballet team that dress up a shark like a women, the shark goes crazy, the star’s father falls in love with it, and you’re halfway to a good story. This thing writes itself.
How about 2 guys in a horse costume in a horse race movie? Or 2 horses in a human body running a marathon?

I was going through my millions of emails that i get on a daily basis.
One reads:
Dear subscriber, thank you for your interest in candy dog doo magazine. At this time we do not give out free samples of candy dog doo, and if we did, why would you want to eat it?
Thank you for your interest.
John Holmes

You can use John Holmes in replaces of any name and it's good for a laugh. Here is a mad lib I just did.
One day Mary and John Holmes went to the John Holmes. When she got there she said oh my John Holmes! Your John Holmes is almost as big as John Holmes.

Note that the last John Holmes was actually part of the mad lib.

Ok, so here is my question, who the hell is John Holmes?

Moving on.

A Note on "Gesundheit"Most people think "Gesundheit" is synonymous with "God Bless You". The confusion over the real meaning of the word Gesundheit, which means simply "health," probably dates back to the time of the Bubonic Plague, where sneezing was a symptom of the disease. Sneezing was supposedly the person's soul making a break for it! It was believed that sickness arose due to the lack of a soul. And so "soullessness" and ill-health became synonymous during the middle ages.

One of my bigger influences has past away recently, Kurt Vonnegut. He once said "I will say anything to be funny, often in the most horrible situations,"
I couldn’t agree more.

My wife told me I’m not social
I said yes I was starting right now, I’m gonna talk to every asshole I see and pretend that I’m interested in the crap that spews out of their retard holes. F that!
My wife then asked, So your done being social then?
Yes, at least I gave it a try.

Is there life on mars?
That is quite a stupid question. If there was who cares? The best thing Martians could do for themselves is avoid earth. All earth has to offer for them is some dumb sitcoms and fattening food. And I’m sure if there was a way to communicate with Martians, we would probability end up eating them, or buying there land from them and then renting it back to them. Or asking them stupid questions like about crop circles.
Hillbilly: you do dem crop circles?
Martian: no, that wasn’t us
Hillbilly: who was it?
Martian: how should I know?
Hillbilly: you gonna probe me now?
Martian: Ugg, I think I am going to pass. I am not even in the mood right now.