I remember vividly one of my sexual fantasies when I was growing up was to get a partner.

I don't particularly care for poems. In fact, i don't care for them. In my non caring for them (Poems) i have enveloped a care for not them.

So i wrote a poem, its about a small farmer that gets lost in a wilderness. on his travels he finds and befriends a gorilla. and that gorilla grants him 3 wishes which he squanders. i have to explain this because there is a lot of Symbolism in the poem and without this prefix you won't get it. just like all poems. Here is the poem:

Word
Yo
Wack
Government

So the first line represents the struggles the farmer has with his 2 sons before he gets lost, the second line represents his “street smarts” that eventually costs him his life. Eh, the 3rd could represent lots of things, from him not being right, to just masturbating. And finally the last line represents that gorilla stuff.

I’d like to call this post “the Fanta Menace” but I think I’ll call it drink minus hoochie equals good drink.

Any remember those fanta commercials from a year or so back? Insanity inappropriate, no sale for you! Ok flash forward a couple of years, I’m in a Mexican restaurant and I wasn’t in the mood for soda, so I asked for a fanta. Well it’s pretty damn good. Moral to the story? Yeah whores need to sell things, but that doesn’t mean that just because you buy their drink means that you are supporting hot pants and tube tops. it also means you are buying a drink and that drink is 90 percent sugar and 10 percent orange. Taste and diabetes is a super great combination.

I asked the high school intern to water my plants for the 2 weeks I would be gone. This is not in his job description; I asked it as a personal favor to me. I’m not sure what his job description is, but I’m sure it has something to do with surfing the internet and mumbling. (I can’t understand a word he says and he is always looking up something on the internet.)

I get back from my training and my plants seemed wilted and thirsty. I asked him why he didn’t water them. He told me it was because they looked wilted to begin with, so why water them. I asked him what did his grandpa look like? Was he wilted? Maybe we should stop giving him water?

Would you get flowers for a plant funeral? Or would that make it worse?

If you ever get your ass handed to you on a silver platter, when returning the platter wash it off.

The sun and the moon. Quite often the 2 have been in comparison, like yin and yang. This should be and more then likely is insulting to the sun.

The Sun's diameter is 864,938 miles about 1,300,000 Earths could fit inside the Sun. It produces heat and gives this planet life. We bask in its glory.

The moon is a dried up rock. It also can raise the water level a bit. the moon is so lame people had to make up stuff about it, like that it is cheese, or that there was a man in the moon, and he was eating cheese. there is no man up there, and if there were he would starve to death, because guess what? no cheese either.


Produces life to raising water? What kind of comparison is that?

Its like the sun has some kind of middle child syndrome where it is constantly being compared to its retarded cousin.

Hey ma, I give life to this solar system.

That’s nice dear, no congratulate moony for getting creamed by another meteor.

Too many times I have been burnt by a deal that seemed to be to good to be true, but here is one that can’t miss. If you eat an apple every hour on the hour you are guaranteed to eat 24 apples a day, plus you may be a bit ornery because of having to get up every hour to eat an apple.

This week I was interviewed by a reported for The New York post. Here is an exert from that.

Reporter: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, where is the restroom, I’m only kidding. Hi my name is XXXXXXX (note that my name is not XXXXXXX this is my way of blubing it out.)
Reporter: Can I help you?
Me: I am here from humansminusbrains.blogspot.com.
Reporter: Oh yes, come in mr. XXXXXX. Please have a seat. Now you claim to have a vast following and your blog gets over a million hits a week, but your counter on your page is only a couple of thousand. How do you explain that?
Me: I don’t count that counter. I am pretty sure that it is inaccurate, else it rolls over a lot.
Reporter: How many people do you have on staff?
Me: well there is me of course, I am thinking of a co-writer, but that may just be me with a pen name. The people at UPS said that they are working for me, at least to get my packages out on time. Which I don’t have any packages and don’t plan on sending any out.
Reporter: I see, and what about the claims that your blog is stupid?
Me: I have heard that. And I have helped both spread and deny that claim.
Reporter: fair enough. Anything you want to say to your adoring fans?
Me: I would first like to thank both of them for…oh oh
Reporter: I KNEW IT. THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
Me: I believe I was promised free ice cream and I’m not leaving without it.
Reporter: I didn’t say anything like that.
Me: I didn’t say it was you. It was me, I said it. And I always keep a promise to myself.

Well of course the police were involved with my removal and now I have another place I’m no longer welcome.

Oldsmobile


What the heck kind of name for a car company is that? I think I am going to start a radical new car company called Youngsmobile. Why radical? Because everything I do is nonsensical. Anyway, everything about my line of cars have the Young feature auto loaded. Like only baby car seats throughout. Can’t get much younger then that. Or how about Styx playing when you blow the horn? (Yes, a Dennis DeYoung joke). No breaks, so you can live and die young. And finally, all baby calf interior, not the seats, real baby calves roaming around in the back. Young = impractical, and with a price of 10 zillion dollars my car will reek of it.

I don't have anything against anyone. well almost anyone. people do bug me a lot. so everyone but people.