Classic HMB moment:

Ok, I'm thinking of a Pink Elton John with a butt on his head.


















Yep, that was it.

I want to be a “That’s bull” guy.
Just when someone tells me something and I get to say “that’s bull” instead I usually look at it from the other persons point of view and try to figure out what my friend did wrong. Here is an example:

My old friend, lets call him sMark Snotty, told me his friend was late to pick up him and his kids to meet some wrestlers that were in town. When the guy showed up he was real late and real high. His kids missed meeting the wrestler and my friend was pretty pissed off, understandably.

Ok, I should of said “that’s bull” want to know what I said? “your late for everything. So how can you get mad at him.”

Wow, was I way off.

Why can’t I be that guy that just goes with the flow? Am I that set in my ways where I am destine to be a grump, saying and doing things that will amuse me for the rest of my life? I have seen the error of my ways. If you see me and tell me something that is obviously your fault, or that I don’t care about, I’m going to try to say “that’s bull”

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well and went to the store, as I was walking in, I saw a lady that looked like my ex-wife. It may of not been her, because I haven’t seen her in years but it looked like her. She had a black eye and a fat lip, and for some reason, I knew it wasn’t her more then likely. That didn't stop me from being happy all day long.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'ed never expect it.
-jack handy

Here is a classic post from last year:


Big surpise, i hate gymkata. I just got off the phone with a local gymnastics center they don't know what Gymkata is so i hung up on them.




notice that he is kicking not one but two ninja. Ha, the total Ninja content of this movie is zero. Did he kick these guys off screen somewhere? i guess we'll never know. I would also like to add that he looks like a douchebag in this picture. i just noticed that the ninja was holding a machine gun. he must be new or something.
Here is from another website on this matter
Most of the movie occurs in the Middle East. So who represents all the Middle Easterns? Americans in turbans, of course!
Part of the obstacle course goes through the town of crazies. It's full of nasty-looking cannibals. I have to give the filmmakers credit, they found some of the ugliest women I have ever seen. But I have no idea why there's a 5-minute slow motion walking scene during this segment.
The best part about the town of crazies is that THERE'S A STONE POMMEL HORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN!!!! What in the world?? How convenient. Of course Thomas does a routine on the horse, kicking bad guys in the process. This is absolutely the worst case of bad guys attacking a good guy one at a time that I've ever seen in a movie. EVER! There's no strategy to his routine. He doesn't even look at the bad guys! He just does his routine and every single moron runs into his kicks. Why? I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. I could write separate articles on how bad the acting and dialogue are, but you might fall asleep. This is just the perfect example of a "so bad it's good" movie. I just wish they had hammed it up even more. For example, I can't believe Kurt wasn't forced to say something like, "Parmistan? What's your main export, cheese?" Sadly, that line is actually too intelligent for the script.

I emailed kurtthomas@gymkata.com this message
Hey, WTF were you thinking?
Sincerely XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX

And immediately got the response:
This is an automated response

Dear XXXXXXXX
Thank you for emailing me about Gymkata. You are no doubt angry about almost seeing my balls and for the many many plot holes in my movie, GYMKATA. Why would ninjas live in the Ukraine and need Machineguns? And if you ask me, a crazy town is one without a pummelhorse. Anywho, I should get back to my duties as a fry cook. Thanks again for almost seeing my junk
Kurt

If a bro falls in the woods will you make a sound?

Today like much any other day is my bro’s birthday. I am acknowledging this here instead of getting him a gift. I’m so proud of your ability to stay alive against all odds, what with natural selection and everything. Have a good one bro, if not there is always next year.
I’m just messing with him. How about this: May your tea contain the sweetest leaves. That sounds better.

Now here are my thoughts on camping:
do you think homeless people like camping as much as homeful people?
that is one thing you don't see, homeless campers, and they would look so similar to regular homeless people that you wouldn’t identify him without a magnifying glass.

My wife asked me the best question ever today.

"Is there something on my chest?"

YES BOOBS!!!!!

A coworker has a whiteboard at their desk and ofter writes some clever “team work” type phrase. So I started putting up my own signs that seem like teamwork, but if you break it down it is really more like the man pushing you down.

Hers says “Respect when we respect each other we will communicate with each other”

Mine says “Respect-if you see upper management trying to find a parking spot, give them yours.”

Or “Respect-even if you don’t know the coworker on a personal level don’t push him down or something.”

Here is how much of a geek I am.

In star wars, Ben Owen (the guy who raised Luke) worked on a farm. No disgrace with that, very noble. What kind of farm you may ask? Moisture farm. Hey, we all need moisture, it is the very essence of wetness. Ok, so Ben has a farm, and he harvests moisture. But Ben is struggling. He wouldn’t let Luke (free help) leave because he couldn’t afford to hire other people. Fine.

Here is the issue. Ben lives on a friggn desert. If he really wanted to make some decent money, why would he have a farm on a desert that grows the only thing the deserts are known for not growing? You ever go to a desert and say, boy I wish I could farm all the moisture in this air, I would be a millionaire. No, Ben was the only one who said that, and eventually he was killed, just another tale of a man with a dream, and no matter how stupid it was, he was going to do it. It only cost him his live and his wife’s.

Answer me this, "Am I horrible?"

Before you flood the post with a bunch of yeses, hear me out.

i got a package yesterday, it wasn't mine it was for a guy about 2 blocks away. The package "felt" like a shirt or something, my first thought was just to keep it. My wife saw it and immediately brought it to the guy.

Her first thought was to return it
Mine was "possible free shirt"

Does that make me horrible? Even if it was a shirt that didn't fit I would of just tossed it, never even considering that the guy was sitting home checking the mail everyday, dreaming of his new shirt. The problems he would have had trying to get the company who is more then likely on the brink of sadness, sending out shirts through regular mail with there stupid "our customers expect the mediocre that is us"
He wouldn't get that company to get a shirt or refund, so what does the guy do? His mind starts to wonder, he starts to hear voices "kill all the first borns" "eat the flesh of the living", "one shot one kill", "yo quiero taco bell"
so he grabs is best stabbing knife and starts to wander around the neighborhood, what does he see? some homeless guy wiping his ass with his t-shirt. That is when he snaps and next thing you know he is in jail, the homeless guy writes a book “my toilet paper got me in hospital” makes millions, “goes on lettermen”…latterly pees on David letterman.

So long story short, does this make me a bad person?

wow what a great vacation. i did nothing and i wish i was still doing it.

with 9/11 right around the corner i am reminded of something sad. its my brothers birthday of course. it is on 9/12