rehashed post from a year and a half ago

IF you ever listen to a glam rock song and think to yourself, is this song about a whore? The answer is always a yes

Merry Christmas. There I said it.
Vampire Hygiene. Notice that there hair is always looking nice? How? They can't see themselves in mirrors? Sometimes you would think that the hair would look all crazy. Not the guys, they always get that Greaseball slick back look (not banging it, it looks good on you) but the chicks hair is always flowing and billowy. And what is up with that? They can't see themselves, and often in movies they can't see the clothes either? Did they bite there clothes before they put them on? Vampire clothes? Also they never take their clothes off, not that I would want to see them naked (who would want to see someone over 80 with no clothes? Wow that a vision that now won't go away) but when they drink blood it’s usually makes a really big mess, then the next time you see them they are clean, indcluding the clothes! you ever get blood on something? it doesn't come off. GRAAAA, forget it.
In conclusion, merry Christmas from the staff at humans minus brains

When will we evolve enough as human beings to where we only have to sneeze once. Why all the double sneezing, huh Darwin?

a beach house doesn't have to be on the beach, but all the good ones are. get a beach house

Zoolander 2? why? what could it be about?

here are my ideas...

zoolander wins a free trip to new mexico, pees on the alamo
zoolander and his buddy (the guy with the wierd nose) get married
Mustafoo comes back and they both enter a pie eating contest (porno version)
zoolander gets on a bus that can't go under 55 else it will explode
zoolander spends an hour and a half trying to find waldo in a picaso painting
zoolander returns home and gets a job in a coal mine (the only funny part of the movie)

So in a meeting today, our boss was talking about a hr meeting that she went to. In the meeting, they mentioned that only 10 percent of the people who were covered in our insurance had a full yearly examination. One guy in our meeting raised his hand to acknollege that he had one.
she said, "Do you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah, some time this year that guy had a someone's finger up his ass."

Time is an abstract concept







except for my birthday

i think if 2 people tried to talk like yoda for a whole conversation, it would only be a matter of time before they kill each other

Fan mail

I get billions of emails, snail mails, passenger pigeons and even some smoke signals asking me zillions of questions. I can’t get to them all. So what I did was throw most of them away. My garbage is full of smoke and pigeons, and it is getting tuff to explain to the pretentious garbage guys on why my pigeons are so Smokey. So I pulled out 1 smoke signal, and with my lucky charms decoder ring, this is the question I have deciphered.

Hi! My name is hank and I am homeless. I live in your garbage can and was wondering if you can throw away something besides smoke and pigeons? Thanks your creepy neighbor, hank.
My answer?


Sure no problem!

Are you cool? No, of course not.

There are many definitions of cool. This thing seems to elude most, mainly because they don’t know what it looks like, even when it is dancing naked in front of them (which isn’t remotely cool).

Some people think that being popular or being nice are paths to cool, nope. Those are just paths to being chummped.

Here is the real test to on whether or not you are cool. If someone is in a room with a bunch of people he doesn’t know (hospital funeral, wherever) and announces loudly, “Man. I just want to apologize to everyone for being so damn handsome.” Most people will just stare or mutter something to their friends on how weird that guy is. Those guys are chumps in their own rights.
The cool person will just shout back “Damn Right!”

That is cool. That is what cool is, any questions?

Excerpt from my new book: Cooking for anorexics


Grapes are good, really really good. But the problem is most grocers don’t carry half stock grapes. Well I found an interesting place that will sell a half grape but the cost is astronomical prices. But if you want a fresh halved grape, this is they way to go. So here is what you need

Ingredients:

1 half grape, fresh or frozen
1 misting bottle filled with 3 eye drops of ice cold water

To prepare take the grape and cut it into 16 different parts. Place them on a tray, and stand 3 rooms away with the misting bottle. With a half a squeeze release the water and after about 2 hours the mist should gentle rest on the grapes. Then the grapes are ready to be looked at. Once done looking at them discard. (if you are still hungry after all that) look at a picture of a quartered tomato being held by a turtle.

I don't like bashing tv, for christs sake, it's raising my kids for me. but sometimes you just have to say, what the hell does a sock puppet need a bathroom in his house for?

Humans minus brains top list of healthy living

1. breathe air. Surprisingly fish never took on this habit and now they are stuck in the water
2. Eat food. Most people do, others don’t the ones that do outlive the ones that don’t by 10 to 50 million years
3. Staples are not food. Most people who indulge themselves on staples usually have lower pains when they come out.
4. ping pong balls instead of eyeballs. You can use a magic marker to fill in details
5. don’t piss off people who are holding knives. When someone puts an unnecessary hole in you, bodily fluids that could be useful may spill out, shortening your life slightly.
6. take off clothes, not skin. Sometimes when people get undressed the don’t know when to stop. The loss of skin may prevent you from putting on sun tan lotion in some cases.

Guys are so complex. here is a translation guideline:

food translation - Sex
ear infection translation - Sex
news translation - Sex
Hey translation - Sex
we need to talk translation - we need to talk about Sex
are you hungry translation - Sex
can you give me a hand translation - oh yeah!
want to have sex? translation - No idea

I just found this out today, was in a bit of shock…

Quiet Riot is now 25 percent more quieter. Apparently Kevin Debrow (singer of Quiet Riot ) died back in 2007, of a drug overdose.

How? How can I make this funny? Well think about it. What if he fell down and hit his head?

The paper would read “Quiet Riot Singer bangs his head…then dies”

Donated blood today. The questions they ask are really crazy, they are all yes or no, but I just wrote over the top of it, “whatever your vampirc lords prefer me to say” on top of every answer, and I got in right away.

Rehash post from last year

The Answer:
I sprayed mace in his eyes because he made me feel uncomfortable.


The Question:
I told my coworker that I felt naked today because I forgot my blackberry at home. He told me that he feels naked when he isn’t wearing clothing. He laughed, then he screamed. The question is, why did he scream?

Why do people drive with there High beams while driving out in the county?

How else are people going to know you’re a jerk out in the dark in the middle of nowhere?

When i get writers block or can't be stupid for a couple of minutes, i like to hash up old stuff

2 year old post...


Do you think that the term ho down means the same as in Texas as it does in New York?

I’m thinking of selling real bears that have clever, non-loving slogans on them. I’m thinking of an anti-Valentine gifts.

“When your not around, your barley missed.”
“You bared your sole to me, and although I appreciate it, I’m calling the cops”
“I wish a bear would come and kill you”
“I’m Barely Tolerating you”

IF you ever listen to a glam rock song and think to yourself, is this song about a whore? The answer is always a yes.

I read an article about finding lost Amazon tribe was a hoax. At first I thought to myself, in your face people who want other people found. Both things put a smile on my face that somebody tricked a bunch of people and then later getting caught. Good for him for lying, good for the rest for figuring it out.

So the people weren’t lost, but if they were what is the REAL benefit to finding a lost tribe? I looked it up. What happens is that you find the lost tribe, put it in the unclaimed lost tribe box at your local supermarket. If nobody claims the tribe in 30 days, you can take them home with you, if they have not died of starvation from living in a box for 30 days.

My thoughts on George Carlin passing away: first thing that comes to mind: Funny, made you think sometimes, likes to make waves. Ornery, crabby, hated stupid people and he seen them everywhere. He kicked ass and made me think while I was growing up. Next to Vonnegut and Doug Adams passing on, I'm running out of childhood heroes. I know that he was old but he is gone and tom Arnold still lives? This is bullshit.

Here is a picture of me holding my zune right before i was hit by a helecoptor riding an airplane.


Memories

I have been drinking pepsi for the last 3 months or so trying to win a zune from pepsistuff.com. well, i won! and i also have diabeties, it may have been worth it. Hurray for me!

Last years post, still funny



I am a visual person. I need to see things or I may run into them.

Ask yourself this, what is your favorite root beer? I guessed A&W and even choose it in this blind taste test. After the review of the scores, I did choose A&W overall, even though it came in 3rd.

Let’s say you go on a date and French style kiss some girl. earlier that day she French styled kissed a different guy. Did you just kiss a dude?

1. Yes you did
2. No you didn't but you now want to
3. Yes, the girl you kissed use to be a dude

if you answered that question with anything besides what was displayed, you are incorrect.

Ok listen up everyone. on April 30th 2008 I am going to eat a lightning bolt. And if this date is the past, that means that I have already tried and failed it. And now I can only eat cream corn with a spoon. but I can eat all other food normally and can also eat cream corn with other utensils.

We did a taste test and i guess fanta and Faygo is up on top. go figure

For serious though.


If a Teen gets pregnant at the start of the school year, (12th grade, calm down hillbillies) and the kid is born grows up. He or she get to 11th grade and should say, yes I would like 1 diploma please. The school would go, no sorry you have to go through 12th grade before you get the diploma? He/she could say “yes, I had already. I would like my diploma.”

Or

The kid could go through the motions but out lash in class.

Teacher, “ok kids, please take out your text books and open it to page 34.”

Kid, “BEEN THERE DONE THAT”

My company called work in progress origami has folded. I was just crumpling up paper and selling them as origami rocks.


This was 3000 dollars.

I'm back, and now more normaller then ever. did you ever notice how great dreams are? i mean you fall asleep and bammo, you are in the middle of some great thing happening and you get to wake up and live in a craphole world. that is why i envy people in comas and always will.

It was my anniversary this weekend (Happy anniversary baby! Thanks for a great 6 years!) I told a buddy of mine and he said, “you know what they say, after 7 years your got nothing to worry about” I told him that people who think that are in for a rude awakening. There is always something to worry about.

By the lizzel of the mizzel

Today I got a stern looking at from an entire room when I announced, “I don’t like to generalize, but everyone I have ever seen or talked to are the dumbest people in the world.”

I saw a guy on a bike with a sweater in his mouth today. I couldn’t stop thinking; did someone bet this guy he couldn’t ride around town and eat a sweater at the same time? Most likely.

I was on vacation this week. I've done something i haven't done since i was 5. I went a week without bathing. It was very smelly in the end, literally. :P

chris christopherson and the band Chris Cross should of done an album together. Just because that chris christopherson’s name has both of their names in it. Plus think of the tounge twisting name on the album…

chris christopherson’s Chris Cross…ablum name: Chris Crossing chris christopherson's cross featureing chris cross.


say that 10 times in a row, if you have time.

I had the weirdest drive in today. First I was behind a car that was doing 5 miles an hour with the hazards on. Most people would have gone around him, but not me. Why? Because I keep thinking that the car is going to split in half and turn in both directions. It never does. Today was no exception. Then I was speeding. I don’t usually speed, or at least notice that I’m speeding, but I saw a cop doing radar. He just let me pass? Am I above the law? To test my theory I also went through 2 red lights. No tickets. If I have been given some power I am going to abuse it.

Sorry about the long break everyone. my uncle past away and i didn't feel like goofing off for a while. In short, he was a funny guy and I wish i knew him better.

While saying that i would like also say this. Pants piss me off. I don't feel like i need to go any further than that, cause you no what i mean. What's that? you don't? ok, then let me elaborate. Pants piss me off a lot.

Feels good to get that off my chest. pants on my chest? maybe that is what i'm doing wrong.

Till next time kids, keep you head on your neck and your feet on your ankles.

Friends are just enemies that don’t have the guts to kill you - Judy Tenuta

quote from emo philips website. he is so funny it sometimes scares me.

When Time Out approached me for an interview, we began coordinating the details, and it suddenly occurred to me that you can gauge a celebrity's status by how much control he and/or she exerts over an interview. A hot celebrity can choose the interviewer. A hotter one can demand to see the questions beforehand. A sizzling hot one can get complete editing approval over the finished pieces. So I thought, why leave anything to chance? Why not cut through the baloney, eliminate the middleman, and simply interview myself? It'll save everyone a lot of time and hassle, whilst just coincidentally enabling me to pocket the writer's fee.



I found Emo Philips in the bar area of London's Playhouse Theatre. For over an hour the lanky yankee had been onstage, dazzling the audience with breathtakingly original comedy, poetry and a riddle. Now, he was busy signing autographs and fielding requests for sex (my goodness, was there a Vogue models convention in town?). After taking the time to pen something hilarious, unique yet personal for every fan (or 'Emo-Philiac' as the master himself likes to call them), Emo glanced at the mirror and saw me. Thus reminded of our interview, he led me backstage to his dressing room, a beautiful, private retreat complete with a ceiling. After plopping down gracefully into a metal folding chair, Emo removed his Barry Manilow watch, placed it on the table next to him, and said firmly but gently, 'You've got just 22 hours. Begin.'

Emo: How old are you?
Emo: 34.

I could see right away his joust of wit would not be for the faint-hearted.

Emo: How tall are you?
Emo: Six feet two.
Emo: How much do you weigh?
Emo: 145 pounds, naked. That is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

This last answer caught me totally off-guard. Laughter - a sweet, helpless laughter - welled up inside me, uncertain at first, and then increasing logarithmically, like the passion within the breasts of a tender young virgin chained to a post in the Coliseum as the baboon trainer approaches her with his lascivious charges.

So, Emo, is this to be that sort of interview? A silly, nonsensical, no-holds barred affair, comic take all? Oh you monster! You delightfully, naughty monster! Well then, so be it! Make me your little whipping boy, and toss caution to the breeze!

Emo: Emo, you are very talented.
Emo: Well, that's not for me to say.
Emo: Darn you, Emo, modesty will get you nowhere! You must learn to blow your own horn in this world! Very well, if you refuse to praise yourself, then I will. I'll shout it out from the highest mountaintop: Emo is talented! Emo is...
Emo: Please stop...you're embarrassing me!
Emo: But you just have to learn how good you are!
Emo: I beg you...change the subject.
Emo: You are so wonderful. Very well, I shall soldier on. Now Emo, you are getting to be quite the frequent visitor to our shores, old chap.
Emo: Oh, yes. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.

I was gone. Guffaws flew from my mouth like spasmodic mating honks from some giant prehistoric bird. I doubled up as if some prankster had detoured the Indy 500 into my duodenum. And Emo...Emo the cruel, Emo the barbarian...simply sat there and smiled at me, timing the laughter on the second-hand of his watch. The villain might just as well have used a calendar. And every time I felt that I might, in the far, far distant future, just possibly perhaps maybe come within sight of a point where I might, just perhaps, start to diminish my laughing, my torturer would attack me anew with a facial movement...raising an eyebrow three millionths of an inch for example...that would again plunge me reeling into an inescapable vortex of excruciatingly painful merriment. Finally I was saved by that most basic of needs...the need for oxygen. I had to begin breathing again, and this I finally did, for not even Emo's humour could override my involuntary instinct to survive. Or could it?

Emo: I read somewhere that you are quite the animal lover.
Emo: Oh, yes. I have a love for animals that is almost...illegal.

Partly to salvage at least a remnant of my sanity, partly as a supreme test of willpower, but mainly to get the interview on a serious track, I attempted to hold my laughter in by clamping my lips tightly together. Big mistake. The laughter, finding no natural egress through my oral cavity, deflected upward like a tidal wave striking a granite cliff and created several million pounds of pressure inside my nasal chambers. A nose vein burst, spraying blood like a demonic lawn sprinkler onto Emo, myself and everything else in the dressing room. Emo, his formerly innocent blue eyes now glazed with frenzy, tore off his shirt and began lapping up the blood like a delicate English schoolboy taking part in some bizarre jungle manhood ritual. He danced around the room, beat upon his chest like a gorilla, and let out a series of atavistic, cottage-cheese-curdling screams that I must confess terrified me to my very marrow. Finally, after what seemed like a minute and ten seconds, Emo sat back down exhausted, and began to weep.

Those fortunate few, if there be any others, who have seen Emo weep...a weeping, by the way, that is infinitely more masculine than the most 'macho' activity of any other man...will testify that it changes his appearance. No, don't panic ladies - he still retains every bit of his classical good looks. It's just that, softened by sobs, his handsomeness becomes...accessible. Tears of tenderness fall on the cheeks of the cold, marble Apollo, and bring it miraculously to life! This, then, is the real Emo, the living contradiction that lesser interviewers have been searching for for over a decade: the sad clown, the wistful waif, the post-apocalyptic Pierrot. But please! Think not for a moment that I am no longer in awe of the magnificent Monsieur Philips! I am and always will be. It's just that I now thankfully realise he is - dare I even whisper it? - mortal.

You ever hear of people who have some odd nickname and then you hear the story of how they got it. Here are some real life examples:

Ole’ one ball: We threw 5 balls at Hank. He got struck with a ball in the head. Hence the name ole one ball.

P-whip: Brian can’t get enough of Purple cool whip. Hence the name P-whip

Skid mark: Steve likes two things, the band skid row and Richard Marx, hence the name Skid mark.

Coward: Manard loves Cows. So we fused his name with it. Hence the name Coward.

Asshole: it seems like Roy has a hole in the middle of his ass. Hence the name Asshole. He is also a jerk.

Does anyone remember the song seventeen; it was about a middle age man whose girlfriend was a bit to young. Like young enough to get his ass thrown in jail. Now winger is pushing 50 and still plays this song to many uncomfortable parents and their children.

It was written by kip winger and some other guy from the band Winger. And I believe when it was written the dialog may have went something like this.

SomeOtherGuy: hey, I have an idea for a song. It’s about this guy who is with a 28 year old.

Winger (in a raspy voice): Younger

SomeOtherGuy: younger? Ok how about a 24 year old?

Winger (in a raspy voice): Younger

SomeOtherGuy: uh…eighteen?

Winger: seven

SomeOtherGuy: SEVEN? What the hell is wrong with you?

Winger: Seventeen then

I read the book great expectations with minimal expectations and I wasn’t disappointed.

For the last 2 weeks the bathrooms have been closed due to renovations. Finally they were finished but they didn’t put up any notices saying that they were completed. So I decided to put one up myself.

“The cameras in the bathrooms have been updated. Thank you for your patience.”

It’s still up there3 days later. And nobody is using the bathrooms, so I have them all to myself.

Sometimes when I am sitting at my desk, I pretend that when people are talking about Bluetooth technology, that Bluetooth is some really fat hillbilly with 1 blue tooth. If you can imagine with me, these may be funny to you:

I am trying to get on blue tooth.
My box doesn’t work with blue tooth (said by a women, to make it funny)
I was told that my blue tooth won’t work. (this could be a scenario where blue tooth’s mom is talking about blue tooth is trying to get a job and refuses to do it.)
My car doesn’t even have a place for blue tooth. (blue tooth’s first experience with discrimination)

The next time you are mad and rightly so, and some jerk tells you that you are overreacting. You say, "No, I'm under reacting. I should be punching you." That should quite up the room a bit. Unless you’re a wimp, then they will just laugh.

I tried baked doreitoes today. i got through half the bag and this is what I came up with, and i said it out loud as i was throwing away half the bag:

These new dorieotos must be good for me, because they taste like crap.

since the death of Gary Gygax i would like to pay homage by this post.

So, here is a funny quote about playing D&D from and unknown jerk:

"Say what you will about me, but if I'm going to spend all night pretending to be an elf, I'm certainly not doing it dead sober."

Regarding people who play Mass Multiplayer online games (MMOs)

Why do guys play girls? Do they think they will find a girl who plays a guy and they get together and have sex? That would make the most sense AND that is ridiculously stupid. The real reason is just as sad. Guys play girls online because they are such losers that nobody will have anything to do with them in real life. The guys who do pay attention to them in game are just as sad because these are the only girls they will probably talk to ever and they aren’t even girls.

I heard a Judge say,”You can’t try the devil without going to hell to get witnesses.” What it was in reference to was that they were a trial of a horrible person and they needed to get somewhat less horrible people to testify against him. Sounds cool though, this is a possible entry for my own tombstone. Just so people can walk by and say, “Wow, what the hell did this guy do? Another entry I was considering is, “Dear friend to Hitler” This is true, just not the guy you are thinking of.

If you listen to music, like 20 percent of the worlds population, you may notice that some lyrics to songs are about shaking babies until they die. I am, of course, thinking of the song, “you shook my all night long.” I dissected this song word for word for here is my translation.

She was a fast machine
She kept her motor clean
She was the best damn women that I’ve ever seen.

Ok, she was a fast machine: Whore
She kept her motor clean: no idea
She was the best damn women that I’ve ever seen: whore who shakes babies to death.

Then I stopped listening. Disgusting.

I could name 20 monster rock ballads that have the words “desire” rhyming with “fire” in them. Why? Are these the only 2 words that rhyme that mean “I’m sulking over a whore?” Humansminusbrains thinks not.

Lets cut and paste some “ire” sounds into a song about a guy missing the chick who just dumped him: (take any 2 lines and they should match up and make some sence)

I want to take your corpse to the Spire
I want to dig through some love resume’s until I Hire
I want to back over your skull with my Tire
You talk the truth of a Liar
I was selling my heart, but no Buyer
I am going to throw your cat in a Dryer


Really spices up that love song.

Till next time, keep your head on your neck and your feet under your legs somewhere.

fan email

Dear sir,
our records have shown that your bill is now 2 months past due.
love,
the Goverment


Well, thank you for writing me mr. hitler. Sorry, your invasion into France didn't work out. I know you wanted to stay longer (forever maybe?)

Invention idea # 400

It is like a dream catcher, only it it is made of used condoms. its called a whore catcher. it works just as good as the dream catcher.

Funny quote from the show Darkplace:

She was like a candle in the wind, unreliable.

What time is it? Its’ valintime!

How to make a poem for Violinetime:

Get a hold of some of the wussy rock of the 80s. Air supply will do but don’t feel like you should exclude others (the ladies from bon jovi make some really girly music) Then lock yourself into a small room with that music and lots of booze. Now that you are ready follow these simple steps:

1. drink a lot of booze
2. to check if you are drunk enough try to do something like eat a cracker. If you can’t do it. You are at the right level.
3. start listening to the music selection. 1 song over and over for an hour
4. turn off the song, wait 20 mins
5. now write down the lyrics from memory
6. pass out.

When you wake up in the morning, clean up all the vomit and leave the small room.

Take the piece of paper with your song lyrics and turn them in as your own.

Hey, hold on. That is plagiarism right? Nope. The lyrics you wrote down aren’t even close to the acutall songs you were listening too. They may even be romantic (2 percent chance)

Good luck and happy Gallontime!

I like the expression “by the way” but what does it mean?
("by the way" has been used as a prepositional phrase meaning literally "alongside the road")
We should change it. Next conversation you mention “and by the way, your mom is really really hot.“

Change it to these variations, keeping in mind they should all get you punched in the face:

Incidentally your mom is really really hot. ( That is the literal (non funny) meaning)
Next to some curd, your mom is really really hot. (that is the “whey” variation)
By the whale, your mom is really really hot. Makes there mom look fat and sexy.
Buy the whey, your mom is really really hot. (this one would be better if your either in a store holding whey, or maybe just writing it in a letter.)
Is your mom a hooker? Because she was by the way.

Let’s go Green! How to make Arbor Day more fun. First we need to get a zillion trees and pass them out to everyone. All extra trees need to be discarded or melted down by nuclear waste. Or used to build something that may harm the environment, like making wood seal grinders. (A good wood seal grinder can blend 3 to 5 seals in an hour) the products that a ground up seal can be used to make more seal grinders (GO GREEN). Ok so everyone has their trees? Great now part 2. Get a zillion speakers and a zillion chairs. Now remove 1 chair and start playing music. Once the music stops, everyone has to sit down, the one left standing needs to plant that tree. Now remove 1 chair, and destroy it. The wood chips it produces can be used to help the seal grinders so how. And start up the music. Repeat this until everyone but 1 person has planted the tree. The winner gets to throw away his tree and wins a free seal grinder.

My first joke I made up ever:

A man was doing his budget for the week and was trying to decide what would go under groceries. Sure, food and drink was easy enough but what about all the miscellaneous stuff that goes with it? So he decided that anything that made him go to the bathroom would go under food. Later that year his wife took over the bills as he was insanely retarded. She noticed that his bill was starting to get very large. Things like Scary movies and speeding tickets were put under groceries. When his wife asked him what that was about, he said that it was stuff that scared the shit out of him, therefore was under groceries.

Not bad, it started off strong got frustrating and then ending very confusing, just like everything I do.

How to be funny!

Here is a lesson on how to be funny. First lesson is called quick wit!

Have things ready for someone when they say something. These have to be generic but funny responses. Here is are examples of generic movie responses:

Debbie Does Dallas
The Stupids
Popcorn on the floor taste just as good as in a bowl

Ok have them in the on “standby”

Now wait for someone to talk about movies, as soon as they pause, yell out your response and then stare at them.

Jerk1: man I saw the best movie last night.
HMBperson: Debbie Does Dallas!
Jerk1: huh?

Will it be funny to them? WHO CARES? Life is about entertaining you not them.

Next lesson: how to make a person over uncomfortable in an elevator.

I had some traveling woes this week, because i was traveling.

Let me just say this, thank goodness for zunes. they can make a 3 hour layover seem like a 3 hour fun fest. not really, but it does help.

For the last 3 days at a stop light this car has stopped in the turning lane about 10 feet before light, just so he gets the green arrow on the stop lights. So him and just him gets to go and the other 20 cars have to wait. Well today I decided to do something about it. Just like clockwork, I get stuck at the same light, and here comes Johnny “nowait” who stopped 10 feet away. So I just pulled my car in front of his, waited fort he green arrow to go away and then straightened out my car and didn’t turn. So he actually waited a lot longer then he would of if he had just pulled up. What did I accomplish? Nothing. But looking at my rearview mirror watching this guy yell and wave his arms just makes me feel good all over.

Good quote from the TV show "Black Book"

Men have a way of noticing women’s hair, and that is not noticing.

I’m thinking of a new show idea, called “The Highlander, Jerk history teacher” it is about this immortal highlander who chops off other immortals heads during the day, and teaches history at night. And the premise is that he is a huge know it all teacher because he was actually at the historical places that he was teaching, or he was across town while it was going on. nobody likes a know it all.

My wife said that in our town on a Sunday at 10:00 at night, the only 2 things that are open are Bars and a Women’s legs. Funny, but sadly true.