I think a good show for the food network would be "The Next Iron Monkey"

This coming week, things to do:

Winterize my beach towels.
Make a buttermilk pancake and tell it to shut up.
Underenduldge.
Underachieve.
Mediumachieve.
Take a giant leep for mankind.
Be kind to a giant man.
Do people still dance? find out why or why not and make them stop or start.
and if there is time, relax.

Are you a KFC Whore?

i was a KFC the other day and they were doing a world hunger relief promotion. Which is good, no making fun of someone who is trying to feed chicken to the chicken-less, but they had a blurb that said
text KFCWHR to (some number) which kind of made me smile.

KFCWHR was my old nickname when I was in Plumbers College (I dropped out of course for more trivial pursuits).

In an event called, they are to old to do things anymore, Metallica fans had to trash the stage for them.
in a response that was not to suprised ole granpa headfeild said "what? where's my soup"
a not suprising response from long time drummer "He took my belt and now i can't stand up right. Seems like this may be my last winter."
and finially newcommer bassest John nobody was said "These guys are old, but they are rich as shit"

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/stopthepresses/392291/postponed-f1-metallica-gig-now-canceled/

Also in the same artical



Quote:
This is the second such embarrassment for the Indian capital this year, after a concert by Canadian rock star Bryan Adams was canceled when police refused to give organizers permission..





They said he needs to have a hit within the last 15 years else no premissions. He new that comming in, so that was on Bryan. me personaly? I'm finding hard to believe were in heaven.

That band, who during the riot was taking nappies, said "Nappies."
The personal assistant of Metallica siad, "You'll have to come back later. the band is very cranky because they didn't get their moring porage. Also one of them got upset at a boy on his lawn and yelled about that."
This could be the biggest upset since the cancellation of the goldengirls, back to you.

So what is your girlfriend like?
What is she like? She sure exsists, that is for sure.
Yeah, right.

Of all the discriptions for a girl you can give, telling someone that they are "real" is a sure way to make them think that they are not. Next time try the truth.

So what is your girlfriend like?
I am not sure, I havn't met her.
Wow, she sounds really cool!

Ok, I'm thinking of a Pink Elton John with a butt on his head.












Yep that is it.

Would there be any benefit to selling "no solicitor" signs door to door?

You know who is really good at charades? Choking victims.

not my quote, but still makes me think:

There's no animal behavorial issue that can't be resolved with a few good beatings - Ineubis

I am a bleeding seal amungst sharks. - famous quote from the talking seal who cut himself and then fell in a shark tank.

A History of living in the past
Couple of thoughts on this

Do you think that the guy who said “stop living in the past” failed history?

You never tell a guy to stop living in the past who did some good. And example
“Hey I saved a baby in a fire”
“Stop living in the past.”
If history has taught us anything it is that , you would sound like a jerk.

And finally;

Someone once told me to stop living in the past. I told him I used to, in fact, we all did.

I updated my blog. I used David in my logo because:

1. He is dead, so no suing.
2. He knows the Thinker, who is the worlds enemy. world hates thinking, think about it. no? see what I mean?

I didn't want to use the Thinker directly, but just give you something to think about.

I was once told that you haven't lived until you ate at Applebees. Well know i know how a robot feels, because i haven't lived.

I'm almost finished with a screenplay. it is a modern day Salem witch trial, with judge judy as the judge, and possibly the witch.

I was feeling nostalgic today, usually that means I’m at a sewing machine fixing me up some parachute pants, but I decided to go back further, as far as I could go and still be nostalgic. So I ended up crapping my pants and crying for 2 hours until I was giving a bottle.

Question:
Does HR have to get invovled everytime I sit in the mens room at work and scream at people when they walk in "Who are you? Who sent you?" or "do you have a package for me?"
Answer:
Yes.

The 4th of July is perhaps the most stupid idea for a holiday. does anyone really know what we are celebrating? Don't get me wrong I really like your country. you humans (minus brains) are all right in my book. I just find it hard to believe that we are still entertained by flashes of light in the sky that aren't aliens (think land of the dead and you'll really feel silly)? Fireworks are dangerous. Anything that you lite and then explodes or just gets real hot shouldn't be given to children to run around and really hurt themselves. Do you think Francis Scott Key was writing about sparklers? Why not celebrate the holiday but doing a mock signing of the declaration of independence, where you are all wearing white wigs and blouses.
for the pete of sake, be careful.

Today Someone referred our intern as a "reverse Doogie Howser"


Ok, it was me.

How to look like you know what your doing

1 uncross your eyes.
2 do not announce that you don’t know what you are doing
3 if at any point you pulled your pants down, pull them back up, blame a leprechaun and continue
4 site a reputable source, like a doctor. Do not use anyone that is not reputable , like a politician
5 do not read this paper out loud during your speech.
6 at the end of the speech, don’t say “or whatever.”
7 use fancy words like “no idea” and “whatyacallit”

Everyone does something wrong. I feel it is good to anonymously point that out. next time your loading paper into the printer, be sure to write "I know what you did" or "I'm on to you" on one of the papers. however. if you have the printer at your desk and you have short term memory loss, don't do this prank as it may backfire.