Bad Fortune cookies

You will find love, and she will be already married

You will have a good luck with your prostrate surgery.

The mob you owe money to will only beat you until you can’t move, not kill you.

You will find a nice hat that looks great on you, but it will be filled with dog crap.

You won’t notice until you put it on.

Your child will be born sideways, and will take 6 days to come out.

You are in for a surprise meeting, with something that you are allergic to.

You will receive a thank you fruit basket contain 10 limes and a raisin (that started off as a grape)

Your significant other will let you know how insignificant you are, by giving you crabs.