Ok this is an abridged version of how I met my wife.

I was working a job I didn’t like. The days were long and the women there were haggard (that is the kindest word I could come up with). My company was notorious for hiring temps. They were like klenex at that place. We would just rip right through them. All of the temps, were of course, haggard.
Ok, let’s shoot forward a couple of years. This chick starts at work, who was hot. The kind of hot you can bake an oven with a turkey in it and they both come out just right. When someone is paying attention to you more then normal you can feel it. After talking to her just a few times and her not filling my eyes with mace, I told my friend she seemed interested. I found out that on a Friday she was going to a “work night out” I never once went to those things. The reason was that I spent enough time with those jerks, but I found out she was going. So I went.
That was a nightmare for me
She mentioned to everyone that she didn’t have any money and was waiting on her friend. Once her friend got there she was going to leave. So was I, but I was the only person who knew that. She mentioned no money? Well what the heck I offered to buy her a drink.
Think she said no? Well saying no wouldn’t of been as bad as what happened. I sometimes play out the whole thing in slow motion in my head. It was a nightmare, yelled NO and stabbed me in the hand with a fork. Well maybe she just said no, but what the hell? I just thought she was thirsty. So after she made me look stupid in front of my coworkers, a small group of us just hung out and talked. I thought things were going well, and then her friend showed up. Ok, so I was like I guess I’ll leave before her so she would never be aware that I liked her and could retain what little coolness I have mustered through the years. So I did the preemptive strike and left what I thought was minutes before she did. She didn’t leave. She stayed the whole night.
To be continued at a later date, obviously