These are not mine, nor do I think they are funny

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. Is there another word for synonym?
8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
9. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
10. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
13. One nice thing about egotists:They don't talk about other people.
14. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
15. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
16. How is it possible to have a civil war?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?18. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

Let’s play a quick game of mad libs.
Ok, I need a
Verb (with an ed at the end)
Noun
Noun
Adjective
Noun
Noun
Verb
And finally a noun


Ok here is the story

So one day Farmer John ______ up on a _______. He rode the ______ to town and parked it on a ______ street. The townspeople all came up to him and said “hey ______, how are you and your wife’s _______ lessons going? I hope that one day you can go ________ yourself. Take your _______ and have a good ride.


So one day Farmer John jumped up on a horse. He rode the horse to town and parked it on a quite street. The townspeople all came up to him and said “hey John, how are you and your wife’s horse riding lessons going? I hope that one day you can go enjoy yourself. Take your horse and have a good ride.

Why is yours so much dirtier then mine?

You ever have a good feeling about something, something your so sure of that you just know it is going to happen. Then you start to make plans around it and it turns out it doesn’t happen. Well, that happened to me. I was so sure I was going to win the lottery last night that I took out a huge loan and spent it on pixie stix. Boy was my face red when it didn’t happen.

Some random thoughts

The Cola war

What ever happened to that? How many casualties were their? Why does coke taste so damn bad?

Is it a good idea to teach kids how to fish? How is that gonna help them if they are starving in the wilderness. Oh wait, never mind. They can eat them right?

If you pay to eat at an all you can eat place, should you be able to come back later for free? Yeah, your noodle is going to be sore after scratching your head on that one.

If we took the land from Indians, who did they take it from?

Why does fruit look so weird? Do you think fruit bats make good pets if you work at an orchard? What kind of trees does particle board come from? Can you use a dryer to make like a really big ham? Who invented cheese and why, what were those guys smoking?

Why do I think like this?

The age old question, what smells worse, the chicken or the egg, has come to a new light. 2 farmers in west Dakota have been rumored to tackle this issue with what can only be described as a vein attempt at being way off base. One farmer, we’ll call him Jimmy X (although his real name is James X) after drinking for much longer then normal has determined that a rollercoaster’s have an adverse effect on his lunch, a chicken sandwich. Where another farmer, who elected to be anonymous, was quoted in saying, “My brother, Jimmy X once told me, ‘Frank, you should really stop living at 1323 west flight road, in West Dakota.’ But I never moved from that spot.” Further investigation has determined that we should stop talking to these 2 people.

But this brings up 2 main questions, one why would I type this, and why would you read this.