This one is for my Bro. He would rather hang out with his grubby friends on Saturday then me.


BROS BEFORE SHMOES!!!!

Where I work some users don't know the difference between a forward slash / and a backslash \. It is funny that some thing that would seem so important to a computer is quite meaning less to say an axe murderer. A slash is a slash to them. In fact a backslash is just as important when killing someone. Cause you hit them once and there gone start running, you better follow up with a back slash right away.

I doubt Dr. Phil ever said this, but it sounds like something he might say:
"Leaving a relationship is like burning down a barn. Get your stuff out before you do it, otherwise you're gonna have a hell of a time."

Ok, so my wife has been watching this Flavor of love show. Its about an aging man who wants to “bang hoes” and tell them that they might be the one that he is in love with. He proceeds to bang hoes, then discard them for more hoes.
I don’t know why they call it Flavor of love. The only flavor is skank so far. Some working titles should have been:
Whores, and the 1 guy who railed them
I am a mean woman and want to have some old guy for myself for some reason.
Skanktoberfest
Money can buy you anything, apparently
I don’t know what love is, so why not?
Mad about you (you being a ho)


Pretty sure the Christmas special will be something like
Ho ho ho, of love

Well, I was gone for a week in training. I thought I would have a bunch of great material for the blog on here but I gots nutin. sorry. Maybe something funny will happen on the way home tonight.

I like to call this post "brotherly love"

So i have 3 sons, 2 of them i only see every other weekend and all summer. They are at the age where they fight constantly. What does one do?
I think i came up with a solution. i tried it out today and it seemed to work. They were fighting and i had them stand outside for 5 minutes and hold hands in the front yard. They didn't fight the rest of the day.

I think I am going to write a song that only has one note, any note, played in any way. Then I will title it "Carnegie hall."
Then jump ahead a bit. If some kid who doesn't want to play an instrument and their parents force them to. They will say, keep practicing so one day you can play Carnegie hall, the kid can say, I already know that one. I just strum all the open strings, can I go now? I got kids to bully! This will usually be followed by a few beatings, first the parent to the kid, then the kid to some kid he is bullying.

Little bit about me, i don't really live in regret. However, i only was only attracted to one teacher in jr. high. and before i could make my move, she retired.

Ok, I'm thinking of a Pink Elton John with a butt on his head.











Yep, that was it.

I have an idea. Ask yourself this? What market hasn’t been tapped but the people have money? That’s right. Meth lab accessories! I’ll have aprons that say “bless this meth” and “kiss the crack”. T – shirts that say “my meth lab blew up and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” or “cops closed my meth lab!” with some picture of stewie or yogi bear or whatever. I was also thinking of expensive pipe cleaners that are already bent into the shape of the word loser.

My new annoying thing lately is going up to someone and asking something obious about them. Hey what are you doing, standing around? Hey what are you doing talking to some guy and being interrupted by me? Hey what are you doing, reading this blog? I’ve been doing it for a couple of weeks. My next move in this pointless progression is to start jumping to conclusions

Hey, what are you doing? Thinking about killing your wife?
Hey, what are you doing? Standing in peoples way waiting to get punched.

I have invented a potion that makes me invisible. Unfortunately it also gives everyone else the ability to see people who are invisible, apparently.

Ok back to the story of me and the wife.

I almost forgot the necklace. I had gotten this necklace (I still have it) from a museum. It was just a simple brown string with a Celtic symbol for tolerance on it. I was walking past her desk coming from the bathroom. (I started taking the long way to the bathroom just to walk past her.) and she commented on my necklace when I was walking past. I kept walking at first for about 2 seconds as it didn’t sync in right away. But I am sure she said something like “I like your necklace” so I stopped and backtracked and showed it to her. I had a small conversation about how it got it and that my nephew at time, who was 1 years old picked it out.
Hmmm, did it seem like she was interested in me? This is a difficult thing for me to tell because she said she liked my necklace and not myself. However, I did have that necklace on since then and nobody has commented on it, ever. That added to her being with me right now may mean she didn’t like the necklace and just wanted to talk to me. I guess we’ll never know.

when is the next holiday? does anyone know. when i say holiday i only reckinize real ones where i would get off work, and not fake ones like elvis's birthday or easter.

Ok back to the story of me and the wife.

The next week I decided to play the cool card. Unfortunately I didn’t have that card, so I decided to be myself (huge mistake if you knew me, you would know why). My desk was near a copy machine and she was making some copies. I was sitting at my desk pretending to work and she was just kind of hanging out. Well after about 10 minutes of me pretending to do something, I looked up at her and said “you know, this thing copies on its own” and she walked away. I showed her. Nobody stands in front of my desk! Wow was I dumb back then. So a day goes by and I ran into her in the hall with some homely jerk, and I said, “if you’re here, who is watching the copy machine?” and then ran off like a damn psycho. Luckily, she found it amusing.

I heard a funny pitch for a guy training today. He said he was going to come in, train everyone for 2 days and then leave, and nobodies the wiser. Why did he add that last part?

Ok this is an abridged version of how I met my wife.

I was working a job I didn’t like. The days were long and the women there were haggard (that is the kindest word I could come up with). My company was notorious for hiring temps. They were like klenex at that place. We would just rip right through them. All of the temps, were of course, haggard.
Ok, let’s shoot forward a couple of years. This chick starts at work, who was hot. The kind of hot you can bake an oven with a turkey in it and they both come out just right. When someone is paying attention to you more then normal you can feel it. After talking to her just a few times and her not filling my eyes with mace, I told my friend she seemed interested. I found out that on a Friday she was going to a “work night out” I never once went to those things. The reason was that I spent enough time with those jerks, but I found out she was going. So I went.
That was a nightmare for me
She mentioned to everyone that she didn’t have any money and was waiting on her friend. Once her friend got there she was going to leave. So was I, but I was the only person who knew that. She mentioned no money? Well what the heck I offered to buy her a drink.
Think she said no? Well saying no wouldn’t of been as bad as what happened. I sometimes play out the whole thing in slow motion in my head. It was a nightmare, yelled NO and stabbed me in the hand with a fork. Well maybe she just said no, but what the hell? I just thought she was thirsty. So after she made me look stupid in front of my coworkers, a small group of us just hung out and talked. I thought things were going well, and then her friend showed up. Ok, so I was like I guess I’ll leave before her so she would never be aware that I liked her and could retain what little coolness I have mustered through the years. So I did the preemptive strike and left what I thought was minutes before she did. She didn’t leave. She stayed the whole night.
To be continued at a later date, obviously

My last job I use to come in late everyday. I would love to watch the faces of the people as I would waltz in at 8:15. I could here them whisper and get these great glares from them; I would just smile and wave.
I once went in on time and I left my shoes untied, then spent the first 15 minutes tying them. I looked at one of my coworkers and said, “That must be it!”
It use to drive people crazy, but I didn’t do it because of that. Or because of the looks on peoples faces when I waltzed in.(although it was priceless let me tell you). I did it because I could. Absolute power corrupts absolute. Nobody ever questioned why or told me to start coming in on time. I would go year after year with reviews where they didn’t even mention it. Why didn’t anyone care that I violated such an extreme rule. Look back at school. Tardiness was punished in such an extreme way. Late for school? Get a detention. Late for a class? Get a detention. Get out of school and you’re late for work, nothing. Do it again, nothing. I eventually left that job because “I wasn’t challenged.” I outgrew my own tardiness.

I was once asked if I didn’t believe in god how did I know what was right from wrong? I told him it wasn’t god that made him know right from wrong, it was his belief in god. He said no. I asked him if he had ever actually seen god? He said no. So it was his belief in god that made him act that way, it had to of been. If he never seen it he would have to have faith, and that faith was keeping him in line, not god.
He then asked me if I had to see everything to believe it. I said, no. I believe in never seen a religious nut that wasn’t pushy, but I would like to think they are out there.

I don't have anything to say, but that hasn't stopped me before: A meat pie is good and a meat cake is disgusting? I wonder why.